Those You've Known
by IAlreadyHaveAPlan
Summary: Tragedy strikes in the form of a school shooting. Friends are lost, relationships are tested and things will never be the same. Though Quinn has one thing that keeps her going despite her world crumbling around her; Rachel. Can love bloom from loss?
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: So, I write this from a request. It starts out featuring a school shooting in detail, and gets a little graphic in parts. It involves the entire New Directions, but the focus will be on how the tragedy leads to Quinn and Rachel falling in love. Thanks to my darling editor RachuBerry once more **

The bell rang out as the students gathered in the choir room, everyone falling into the usual rhythm.

Quinn was one of the last to enter, green eyes scanning the room and observing the people who had, over time, become her family. Yes, there was Finn, listening intently as Puck recounted what would naturally be an extremely exaggerated tale of his latest conquest. Kurt and Blaine, hand in hand, chatting away in the corner, while Mike and Tina stood to the side, the dancer continuing his struggle to teach his girlfriend to dance as well as he did. Brittany was stretched out on the floor, her head cradled in Santana's lap as the girl ran her fingers through blonde locks, watching Sam and Rory talk to the band members. Mercedes and Rachel sat near the front, textbooks in their laps and chatting about the homework they would have for the upcoming weekend.

Quinn allowed herself to bask in the warmth the familiarity of the scene provided her. It was moments like these that made her so deeply thankful that she ever made the decision to join the club, even if her original intentions were not exactly positive. Now, however, she couldn't imagine life without the friendships she'd forged here, no matter how stained or weak. These were the people she felt at home with, safe and understood.

It took a while for her to realize that the warmth was no longer from this rush of affection of the group, but rather a blush. Snapping back to reality, Quinn found Rachel's eyes locked on hers, the fierce blush on her cheeks giving herself away. They remained as such, staring at each other across the crowded room, where everyone loved each other but in moments like these, never really noticed each other. Breaking the gaze, Rachel smiled warmly, and patted the seat beside her, calling Quinn over.

Finding her legs could indeed move, Quinn made her way across the floor to sit beside to brunette, flashing a cautious smile her way. Rachel returned the smile, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she spoke.

"Welcome, Quinn. We were just going over the English homework, what poem were you assigned?"

Quinn, however, heard no such question. Her eyes were focused on the girl's lips, moving effortlessly as she spoke. Instead of Rachel's voice, her own filled her mind.

_What are you doing, staring at her like that? For God's sake, Fabray, look at her eyes! Her notebook, Mercedes, anything! But those lips…how are they even so perfect? I wonder what it's like to kiss her, I bet she's an amazing…wait, what are you doing? Stop that. We do not fantasize about kissing Rachel Berry. Those lips though…_

She opened her mouth, screaming at her mind to recall what Rachel had said. Something about reading, right?

Suddenly, the bell rang again. This time, however, it didn't end. The continuous noise rang through the room, leaving everyone silent. They knew what this meant, had practiced the drill dozens of times over the years. Lockdown.

Someone had entered the school, armed, with the intention on harming them.

Noah laughed first, rolling his eyes and standing up with his fingers pointed as a gun to Finn's head.

"Alright everyone, get on the ground!" he called, causing the band members to laugh.

Upon their laugher, he turned around in mock anger, narrowing his eyes.

"Fine, then the jock gets it," he playfully snarled, pulling his fingers back.

"Bang."

Though his words were drowned out by the distant sound. It was far away, maybe even across the school, but loud enough to easily be distinguished.

Then, it happened again. Two more gunshots, then silence.

It took a moment for everyone to react, but once they did, it was a flurry of movement. Chairs were thrown to the side, instruments dropped, backpacks spilled across the floor. The band members fled the room, some refusing to leave their instruments behind in their escape. The glee club, however, banded together, watching with wide eyes as they realized they were alone.

"Get on the ground", Puck demanded, his voice an urgent, hushed whisper.

Obliging, the group moved to lie on the ground. Quinn took the opportunity to assess the situation, looking to her friends to gauge their reactions. Santana looked petrified, clinging to Brittany as if she could shelter the girl from the invisible harm. Finn snaked an arm around Rachel's shoulders, holding her close, while Mike gently wiped tears from Tina's eyes.

"I'll get the door. Chang, draw the window curtains", Puck instructed, staying low to the ground as he made his way over to the door.

All eyes remained on the mohawked boy as he slowly walked over to the door. Quinn could feel her heart hammering loudly against her chest, palms sweaty, as everyone held their breath while Noah slowly stuck his head around the corner too peer into the corridor…

The gunshot was loud. Louder than Quinn had ever expected a gunshot to be. The sound echoed around the room, amplified by the choir walls, joined by several high-pitched screams.

Noah turned around, eyes wide, mouth agape as he looked past the group to the boy behind them.

It happened in slow motion. Quinn knew, logically, that time doesn't change. But she'd swear, along with the rest of the group, that time slowed. Turning around to follow Noah's gaze, Quinn saw Mike's face drop. Then fall from his position on the chair, the window he was covering smashed from the bullet.

Slowly, slowly, his body fell backwards, a single hole perfectly in the middle of his forehead. The body, so very graceful, landed with an all too human thud on the ground.

And all hell broke loose.

Brittany screamed the loudest, Santana turning her away and holding her head to her shoulder, unable to take her own eyes off the boy. Kurt and Blaine were blank faced, clearly in shock, Kurt's trembling lower lip the only sign of the events that were unfolding around them. Quinn leapt to her feet, not really sure why, but knowing she felt more in control that way. She joined Noah in rushing to Mike's side, Quinn cradling his head in her lap while Noah grabbed his shoulders.

"Everyone, up against the wall, now!" Noah shouted, fingers pressed against Mike's neck.

Everyone scrambled up against the wall with the whiteboard, in an effort to hide from view through the doors.

"Fuck! Chang!" Puck shouted, all fear of talking too loudly lost in his efforts to search for any sign of life.

Everyone was silently pressed against the wall, sliding down in their shock, unable to stand. One girl, however, didn't join them, instead remaining frozen where she crouched. Where her boyfriend had last tenderly wiped tears from her eyes. The silence was broken by a small voice. A voice so rarely heard, that it was a miracle they recognized it at all. A voice so small, so broken, so raw, that it was almost as loud as the gunshot.

"Mike…"

All eyes fell on the girl. The girl who broke down so often, that Quinn would have expected her to be the first one in tears. Definitely not Santana, who was silently whimpering into Brittany's hair. Slowly, Tina stood, her face pale and drawn, and made her way through the group of frozen friends to the boy who had captured her heart and mind.

"Mike," she repeated in the same whispered voice that screamed louder than any shout ever could.

Falling to her knees, tears threatened her eyes as she gazed down at the boy who was always moving, always smiling or dancing or joking or _something_.

He was so very still in death.

Tina's bottom lip trembled, as she reached for Mike's hand, gripping it tightly in her own. The paleness of her skin warned Quinn that the girl was very likely in shock, and the absence of tears in such an emotional girl was unnerving.

Everyone was staring. Nobody would admit it, but they were blankly staring. Kurt clutched both Blaine and Mercedes arms tightly; Brittany still had her face buried into Santana's shoulder, while Finn held a now crying Rachel in his arms.

When Quinn went to release Mike's head from her lap, she realized her hands were soaked in blood. Despite the wound to Mike's head, Tina had kept it together. Until that moment, where Quinn's hands came into view. The sobs started out small, barely audible as they raced through her chest. Then, suddenly, she grabbed a fistful of Mike's shirt as she placed her head to his chest, crying violently.

Agonizing screams of grief and loss that would never be forgotten by those who heard them.

Noah looked pale, standing over the pair, looking like he was going to be sick. Quinn's suspicions were confirmed when Puck stepped quickly away to the opposite side of the room, throwing up to the side.

Nobody said anything.

Quinn looked at the group, suddenly realizing that every single one of them was still in danger. Rising slowly, she stood on top of the blood-splattered chair and slowly, closed the blinds. Moving across the room, she made it to the door. Her heart was hammering so loudly, it was all she could hear. With every instinct in her body screaming at her, she gingerly reached out and pulled the door silently closed.

Turning around, she found all eyes on her. Eyes filled with tears, loss and fear. Everyone needed someone to console them, to tell them everything was going to be alright, to get them out of this mess. Someone had to step up, pull what was left of them together, and get them through this.

And that person, however unwilling on her part, was Quinn.

"Alright," Quinn said, surprised at the strength in her own voice.

"This is what we do."


	2. Chapter 2

"Everyone's going to be okay. We just need to stick together, like we always do"

Nine faces quickly nodded their agreement, nine pairs of terrified eyes never leaving hers. Quinn forced herself to keep her own fear out of her eyes so she could bring herself to look calmly back into theirs.

Turning away from the group, she inhaled slowly, running a hand through her hair in an effort to settle her rapidly racing mind. Right, she could do this. She could be the calm, stoic one, and get them out of this. But how does one do that, when the anguished screams of a girl who had lost the love of her life before her eyes are still ringing through the room?

Quinn approached Tina slowly, almost as one approaches a wounded animal; and maybe that's what Tina was right now. Maybe she never would be okay. But Quinn knew they would never know unless she kept the girl safe, and that's exactly what she planned on doing. Tina had her cheek pressed against Mike's chest, undoubtedly trying to listen for the familiar soothing heartbeat of the heart that beat in time with her own.

"Tina", Quinn whispered gently, the sound of her name stirring the girl slightly, but not causing her to open her eyes.

Kneeling down beside her, the blonde placed a hand on the grieving girls back.

"Tina, I'm so sorry. There's nothing we can do, and we have to get out of here. We have to keep everyone safe"

Tina remained clinging to the dancer, her grip on his shirt tightening as she continuously whispered his name under her breath.

"He's gone, Tina"

There was such a heavy silence, that Quinn feared she may have pushed the girl too far, to a point where she may never come back. Just when she was about to rectify her approach with some softer words, Tina flung her arms around her, crying heavily against her neck, sobbing strings of random words.

"Loved him. Going to be a dancer. Only person. To make. Me happy"

They remained like this for a moment more, before Quinn peeled herself off of the girl, taking her hand and slowly leading her back to the group. They had no choice but to leave Mike. Nobody said anything; thinking about it made the reality of it far too unbearable. They could not allow this hell to get any worse.

"Right. We need to move. I know it seems safe to stay in the one place, but we can't let ourselves stay in the same place while he's moving around. Okay?"

Once again, blank faces nodded back at her, this time accompanied by a few mumbled 'right's'. Quinn took a moment to consider this. Yes, it was risky moving around, not knowing how many shooters there were, or where they were, or even who they were after. Regardless, she knew the sooner they were out, the sooner they were safe. She needed to keep them safe.

The ex cheerio assessed the condition of everyone. Puck still looked pale and ill, but he's expression showed he was ready to do anything she asked of him. Santana would never leave Brittany's side, she knew that much. Artie wasn't exactly too much help. Mercedes and Kurt were far to scared to take up what she needed.

Rachel. The singer was curled against the wall, wide chocolate eyes staring impossibly innocently at the blonde. Quinn felt her heart start racing, which almost hurt considering how quickly it was beating already; but looking at Rachel gave her a renewed sense of purpose. It didn't matter how scared she was, or how much danger she put herself in. All that mattered was that she kept everyone safe. That she kept Rachel safe.

"Finn, Puck, I need you guys to come with me. We'll go scout around and make sure the hallway and the football field are clear, then we'll come back and go that way. It's to dangerous to try the front doors, but there's a way out of the school under the football bleachers. Blaine, I need you to stay here and keep everyone together."

Somewhere though her instructions, her hands had found their way to her hips. Everyone instantly recognized the authorative stance, the way her words came with a certain sureness, her eyes calm and in charge. The boys nodded, Blaine clasping Kurt's hand in his as the other two boys moved to stand.

"Wait", Rachel spoke quietly, reaching up to tug at Finn's shirt.

"You can't leave without me. I won't let you. I'm coming too"

"Rachel, no", Quinn and Finn spoke in unison, blinking at each other before Quinn cleared her throat and continued.

"Rachel, this is dangerous. If anything happens, I'm the fastest, and who knows, Finn and Puck might be able to overpower the guy. We can't put you in danger when you don't need to be"

"I'm coming", Rachel replied with a harsh fierceness that took the blonde, and surely everyone, by surprise.

Rachel simply stood, laced her fingers with Finn's, and met Quinn's wide eyes with fire.

"What next, captain?"

Quinn knew there was no way she was going to have Rachel listen to her, not when the girl was like this. Four people was far too many for a scouting mission, but if Rachel insisted, she'd just have to make sure she kept an eye out for the girl. She motioned for the group to leave, a chorus of small 'good luck's' and 'stay safe's' following them.

Suddenly, something wrapped itself around Quinn's ankle. Turning to look down, the blonde realized Santana's hand was gripping her, eyes looking up to hers. Friends for life, enemies occasionally. They loved each other but often didn't really like each other; but in this moment, the look in Santana's eyes spoke clearer than her words ever had.

"Don't do anything stupid, you hear? You come back to me"

Quinn gave a simply nod, mouthing 'I promise' back to the cheerleader before leading the group out of the room.

It was unnatural to see the hallways so empty. Unnerving to have the corridors so normally filled with shouts and screams and names and music and fights now stretched before them, completely silent.

Their movements were slow, their progress tedious. Quinn and Finn took one side of the hallway while Puck and Rachel took the other. They moved gradually along the walls, stopping to gingerly peer into each classroom they came to.

Sometimes, they were greeted with an untouched, perfect classroom. Other times they found blood splattered, abandoned classrooms. Sometimes they were filled with trembling students and teachers.

Quinn couldn't help but keep flickering her eyes between their search and Rachel. She was sure the fear that made her blood pulse faster than she'd ever experienced was due to her fear for Rachel's life instead of her own. Rachel, however, seemed to have no such fear. She'd move stealthily along the walls, using her small size to lean into the doorways, peering around the-

"QUINN, LOOK OUT"

Everything happened at once. The ringing of a gunshot. Quinn leaping across the length of the hallway to tackle Rachel to the ground. The heavy noise of Finn falling to the floor. The crunch of a body as Noah spear tackled it into the corner of the wall.

Quinn raised her head, panting. Rachel lay out underneath her, her chest heaving at an erratic pace, her face contorted with her eyes closed. It took a moment for Quinn to realize the length of her body was flushed up against Rachel's, and she rolled off the girl to stand.

That's when she saw it.

Two things, really.

The most important of which was Finn.

The boy was slumped up against the lockers, his eyes wide and staring at her. His mouth gapped open and closed, trying to breath, to speak, but failing.

And Quinn knew why.

Blood spurted from Finn's throat, each attempt of breath drawing more blood into his lungs. The hole was messy, torn skin peeled and edging the large wound. Gurgling sounds were all that came from Finn, whose eyes were drooping closed.

Quinn dashed forward, placing her already bloodstained hands to Finn's neck in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. Finn's body gave way, falling the rest of the way to stretch out onto the floor, his large body twitching slightly. Rachel appeared at her side, placing her hands over Quinn's as if combined, they could save him.

"Breathe, Finn. Just breathe", Rachel sobbed, her nails digging in to the top of Quinn's hands.

The gurgling sounds were growing louder, Quinn realizing that Finn would die under her hands. From blood loss or drowning on his own blood, she wasn't sure. Blood continued to seep out from under her palms before she realized she was crying.

"Finn", she said sharply, sounding like she was reprimanding the boy for his slow dissention from life.

Quinn only faintly recognized the second event happening around her.

Puck straddled the masked body of the shooter, his fist repeatedly coming down to beat in his face. The mask discarded, Quinn couldn't even recognize who it was. She doubted anyone could by this point. The face was so beaten in, the facial bones were surely broken as Noah continued to slam the head of the long dead killer into the unforgiving tiles again. And again. And again.

Quinn wouldn't stop him.

Finn raised a pale, shaking arm to gently cup Rachel's face. Rachel was crying heavily now, but she removed one hand from overlapping Quinn's to place it on his, holding it in place.

Finn's mouth opened and closed several times. Words were never formed, but Quinn would later decide that he mouthed 'I'm sorry'.

And then he was gone.

Rachel let out a chilling wail, tears now streaming down her face, her breathing sharp and quick and panicked as she threw her arms around Quinn's neck, sobbing into her shoulder.

Quinn's hands, once again covered in blood, stilled against Finn's neck.

And Noah continued to slam the head against the ground with a sickening thud.

And Rachel continued to scream a blood chilling wail.

And Quinn wished for the eerie silence to return.


	3. Chapter 3

Finn was dead under her hands.

The boy who had captured the heart of Rachel. The boy who was going to be, if she'd had her way, the father of her baby. The boy who'd lead them to victories, who made her smile with his goofy charm, who simply _tried_ harder than anyone she knew. He was dead.

Rachel still had her head buried in the crook on Quinn's neck, small breaths escaping her lips and warming the blonde's skin. The girl couldn't stop staring at the body of Finn, couldn't bring herself to take slender hands away from that gaping wound where the mass amounts of blood was starting to dry. Not until she heard Noah slam the skull, if that's indeed what it could still be called in it's condition, against the floor one last time before standing to look over the mangled body.

And cry.

The mohawked boy's hands were more than likely broken from the force of the hits he delivered to the shooters face. They were cut and already bruising; but that didn't seem to matter as he raised them to press against his eyes, trying to stop the tears that threatened to follow those that had already escaped. Without looking back to Rachel, to Quinn, to the body of his best friend, he began the walk back to the choir room.

Quinn closed her eyes, and quickly realized that wasn't a good idea. Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea for the next week. Or month. Or year. Or ever.

Noah with his hands forming a gun, pointed to Finn's head. Mike's falling body. Her hands coated in his blood. Tina listening for a long gone heartbeat. Finn's throat, bubbling blood and gargling. Rachel's screams. Noah's hands, covered in blood that was either his own or that of the boy who'd killed his best friend.

It all haunted her the second she closed her eyes.

"Rachel, we need to go. We need to get back to the others", Quinn said in the softest voice she could manage.

When Rachel didn't respond, Quinn stood slowly, wrapping her arms around the girl to guide her though carefully keeping her blood soaked hands off of her. Rachel gave a few small noises but stayed close to her, those dark pooled eyes wide and refusing to look anywhere but Quinn.

The walk to the choir room was quite possibly the longest walk of Quinn's life.

The group was where she had left them, pressed up against the wall. The blonde had barely stepped into the room before a body hurled itself at her, flinging arms around her waist and holding her close before proceeding to speak quickly in Spanish.

Rachel stepped to the side blankly as Santana continued to shower her oldest friend with unintelligible words, tears streaking down her face.

"Don't you fucking do that to me again, you hear me? Noah comes in like….like _that_, and you make me fucking wait forever to see you. My God, Quinn!"

Quinn looked past Santana to notice Noah, who had simply drawn up one of the choir room seats and stared blankly at the opposite wall, rubbing his hands back and forth against his jeans in an attempt to rid them of the blood.

Rory asked first. Blaine stood, asking his own questions. Mercedes demanded an answer. Sam mumbled a comment on everyone talking over the top of each other. Brittany mentioned Quinn looked very pale.

The door was flung open, hitting the wall with a bang. Quinn reached out and grabbed Rachel's arm, spinning her around and pressing her against the wall, shielding the brunette with her body. Noah threw himself to the ground behind the chair, covering his head with his arms as his body trembled.

The police squad carefully ushered them from the room, talking in gentle, kind voices. Quinn supposed this meant that there was only one shooter, or at the very least the others had been captured. Or killed. Or took their own lives after this final stand. It didn't really matter.

The blonde refused to allow herself to be taken until all the members of the glee club had been taken out. They were lead onto a bus which would take them to where their parents were waiting. Apparently the lock down bell had rung out over five hours ago. News had swept the town quickly, parents being kept at a safe distance from the school.

Quinn refused to sit, instead demanding she be allowed to stand in the walkway of the bus so that she could look over her group. She was responsible. She was in charge of keeping them safe, and that was exactly what she was going to do. Every minute she'd do a head count. She'd watch Brittany looking out the window as Santana looked at her, as if half expecting her girlfriend to vanish from sight. Kurt with his head on Blaine's shoulder, the ex warbler humming a soothing song against his boyfriends temple. Sam, Rory and Artie, talking about who they thought might be responsible for all this. Mercedes had her arm around Tina, the girls head in her lap as the diva ran her hands through straight dark hair. Noah sat up the back alone, eyes flickering to everyone as if expecting them to attack any second.

Rachel stared blankly where Quinn had placed her, having not moved a muscle. The singer simply stared out the window, watching the world rush by her. Quinn moved to offer some sort of comfort, but the bus had reached it's destination.

Outside the bus, chaos ruled. Parents where moving in swarms, shouting at any teacher or police officer they could get their hands on, desperate for information. As the new busload of students arrived, a hush silence broke out. It was as if despite the madness and desperation, an unwritten agreement had been formed. Everyone was entitled to watching each student step off the bus.

Rory and Sam, knowing their parents wouldn't be there to greet them, instead chose to help Artie off the bus, grinning in the joyous reunion. Mercedes parents screamed in happiness as they ran through the crowd, sandwiching their daughter in a hug. Santana and Brittany's parents held hands together, smiling in unison as the girls appeared hand in hand. Blaine's father merely placed his hand on the boys shoulder, giving a nod and a squeeze.

Tina was sobbing once more when she stepped off the bus. One look at Mike's mother, and the woman collapsed to the ground, shaking her head as her husband tried to steady her, barely holding it together himself.

Kurt stepped off, Burt wrapping his son in his arms within a second. Laughing heartedly, the man placed a kiss to his son's head, pulling away to look past him.

"Where's your brother?"

Kurt could only shake his head in response, as Burt pulled Carole against him, the woman shaking her head and repeating 'no', her eyes on the bus as if expecting Finn to step off any second.

Noah got off and walked away.

Quinn jumped off, blinking as the sun hit her eyes. Nobody stepped through the crowd to embrace her. No family was crying, overjoyed by her survival. Instead she was faced with endless eyes staring at her, shocked and blank looks across their faces.

It took her a moment to realize she was covered in blood, none of it hers.

The only thing that bought her back into it was a name .

"Calm down, LeRoy. I'm telling you, Rachel will be fine. She'll be fine"

LeRoy was clutching Hiram's hand so tightly, it looked like the blood flow may have been restricted. The man didn't do anything to stop it, simply continuing his soothing mantra, eyes on the door.

Rachel was the last person to step off. Glassy eyes found her fathers, who rushed over to her, gentle and careful.

Quinn stayed until the sun was setting. She couldn't help it. She found herself walking between groups, keeping tabs on which glee members were still here, how they were looking, if they'd received medical attention, until their parents finally took them home.

The parents of lost children banded together, joined in grief.

"We're so glad you're okay, sweetheart", Hiram said softly, as the family sat on the grass together, continuously wiping over Rachel's bloody hands.

"You…You should thank Quinn for that. She got us all out okay. She got me out", was Rachel's reply, looking up and finding Quinn instantly.

And suddenly, Quinn was caught in hugs

And 'Thank You's'

And 'Oh honey, let's clean you up'

And as Quinn sat beside Rachel, the men fussing over her and doing their best to fix her physically, she felt for the first time what it was like to have a family.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hello lovely readers. Sorry to leave you waiting so long for an update, life happened. Always inconvenient, I know. I already have the next 3 or so chapters written up. Let me know if there's something you'd like to see happen. Hope you enjoy it, and please review! **

School was canceled for the rest of the week.

Quinn wished they hadn't called it off, if only for the fact that her normal routine would bring more comfort to her than being alone in the large, silent house. Judy had of course expressed her thanks for the Lord for saving her daughter. She made sure to tell the members of the church how God had saved her Quinn, that her many prayers had been answered that day.

Quinn knew Judy spent the day wasting money because she had enough to waste.

Now, with days to reflect, Quinn was terrified. She was terrified of herself, of what had become of her since the day her world was turned upside down. The unbearable silence of an empty house was maddening. Sleep didn't come easily. Like the first time she closed her eyes, the images where scared into the back of her eyelids forever.

Then there were the nightmares.

They were all different, though very much the same. They always involved Rachel.

_Quinn walked down the hallway, students parting before her and staring in her wake at her power. Flowing hair and dress, she held her head high as she made her way to a clearing in the hallway. _

_Then there was Rachel, staring back at Quinn with that same glassy expression she'd held on that bus ride. _

_Then suddenly, blood starting dripping from between Rachel's lips. Then there was more. Rachel's neck slowly slit open, blood pulsing out as the girl screamed at the top of her lungs, gurgling noises being emitted from that throat that had always sung with such beauty. _

_Quinn found herself rooted to the spot. Despite how much she struggled, she couldn't reach the brunette. She couldn't speak. Quinn was simply left staring as Rachel screamed her name, bleeding out in front of her…_

The blonde awoke with a start, eyes wide, slender body slicked with sweat as she slowly uncurled her fingers from their grasp on the bed sheets. Groaning, Quinn pulled herself out of bed. The bedside clock read 5:16am, and to the ex cheerio, that wasn't unusual. Not anymore.

Today, however, was the first day back at school. Quinn wasn't really sure what to expect, other than that she knew the school would hold an assembly to regroup, mourn the victims and offer counseling.

As she applied her make up in the mirror, Quinn considered what it would be like seeing everyone after that day. In the days that had past since the shooting, she hadn't left the house. How could she face Tina? Would Noah even turn up? Santana had been texting her all week, letting her know how Brittany was doing, reassuring her friend that she was taking care of her. Quinn didn't need that reassurance; she knew Santana would be there for the other blonde, and that alone would help the latina.

Rachel. Oh God, how had she not tried to contact Rachel? A wave of self hatred took over the blonde as she packed her schoolbag, cursing herself out loud for her cowardice. Not reaching out to the singer because she thought it would be too hard? Rachel was probably going through hell, and Quinn hadn't been there for her. Their newly founded friendship was, however surprisingly it was to her, important to Quinn; Rachel was important.

Thoughts of how she could apologize ran through Quinn's mind as she drove to school. It was harder than she expected. With every second she got closer, her heart beat faster. By the time she'd parked and stepped inside the gates, her heart was wild. Had he stood here? He had walked through these doors. Maybe reloaded his gun here in the hallway. Leant against her locker.

She was surprised to see television crews and newspaper reports to the side of the auditorium. She was less surprised to see 23 large pictures lined up behind the speakers podium, each of a smiling face; a face that without a doubt wasn't smiling mere seconds before their death.

Finn and Mike were among the numbers.

Maybe that's what they were now. Just numbers. Just two of the 23 that didn't make it out alive.

Quinn looked over the masses of students already seated. She slowly walked down the stairs of the auditorium, looking along the rows of seats to find a spare one. Reaching close to the front, she spotted Rachel. The girl gave a small wave, lifting her bag off the chair beside her and motioning for Quinn to come over.

Rachel had saved Quinn a seat.

And suddenly the pain of being back in this place again was gone, because that one small gesture just meant _so damn much_. Quinn sat down beside the brunette, looking past her to see that more of the glee club members were sitting along this row too.

"Hey", Rachel said in a voice that made all that pain return to Quinn; because how could she be so selfish as to allow the girl to make her feel like she was walking on air, while Rachel was surely hurting so very badly.

Quinn didn't bother with pleasantries of small talk. They didn't need that.

"I'm sorry I didn't call, Rachel. I just…", Quinn tried, trailing off and hoping the look she gave the brunette was sufficient in conveying her pain.

It must have been, because Rachel merely gave a small nod, turning her attention to the stage as the presentation started.

Principal Figgins gave the opening address, talking of how through this tragedy they would grow stronger. That in this time of darkness, friendship would be their light. That now, more than ever before, they all needed to be there for each other.

"He proposed to me on that stage, you know"

Quinn turned to Rachel, at a loss for words. The singer didn't look away from the stage. Didn't elaborate onto why she felt she needed to point it out. Quinn didn't need her to. She simply returned Rachel's earlier small nod, going back to listening as a montage started to play.

Oh God.

Projected onto the stage, images of lost young lives glowed. Quinn heard a choked sob escape Tina the instant Mike appeared, the taller boy tall and proud as he gave his '_West Side Story'_ performance. Mike leapt across the screen, his body twisting and bending effortlessly. Quinn had never seen anyone look more alive, young, joyful and free.

Finn throwing the game winning pass to Puck, who carried the ball into the touchdown zone and the final horn sounded. The two boys running to each other, arms flying in an embrace, grinning ear to ear as they started a chant. Finn nestled behind Rachel, his height allowing his arms to drape over her shoulders so that he could hold Rachel's slightly raised hands, playing with their fingers before leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. Finn singing on the stage, circling Rachel until he cupped her face, giving her that damn kiss that cost them the competition.

Quinn was all to aware of Rachel frozen next to her, her head hung low in an effort to escape the images that once bought so much joy, but now delivered nothing but pain. The blonde looked at the singer, mouth agape, trying to find words before chocolate eyes looked up to lock hazel. There was a long moment, simply looking at each other before Rachel did it. Without breaking eye contact, the brunette reached out slowly, closing the gap between them until her hand found Quinn's.

Quinn allowed her hand to warmly slip into Rachel's as the tears found their way from the singers eyes. Face scrunched up in pain, Rachel resumed hanging her head, as Quinn took up running her thumb across the top of other girls hand.

Mercifully, the presentation came to an end, as a silence took over the large crowd, still and unsettling beside the ever present sniffling of restrained agony.

"And now, we have a very special announcement", the principal said, causing the cameramen and news reporters to sit up and start taking notice. They clearly knew what was going on, even if the students and scattered parents didn't.

"During the course of these horrific events, a student exhibited outstanding courage. It could be said that this student saved the lives of many that day. As such, the police chief and myself have decided that not only is this student worthy of acknowledgement, but also become a recipient of the Ohio Bravery Award"

Now, the silence was complete. Quinn's breathing hitched, feeling Rachel sit up straighter beside her, already glancing the blonde's way.

"It is my great pleasure to call Quinn Fabray to the stage"

The room erupted in applause, whistles and cheering, Sam and Rory patting her on the back as she raised on shaking legs. Forgetting she was still holding Rachel's hand, she felt the brunette give a tight squeeze, mouthing 'Go ahead'.

Dazed, Quinn made her way up to the stage through a frenzy of white flashes, photographers bending awkwardly to get a good shot. The cheering continued, settling only upon the police officers comical hushing.

"Now, I know everyone loves a good hero story. And none come better than that of Quinn Fabray's acts that day. Not only did she keep a group of students under control and resume a role of leadership under great distress, she also fearlessly lead a group of students out to-"

Somewhere off stage, something metal hit the floor.

And so did Quinn.

The blonde flung herself to the ground, shielding her head with her arms as she curled into herself, body trembling.

Once again, the crowd became silent as they watched this 'hero' crumble at the sudden sound.

With her chest tight, breathing rapid, Quinn managed to stand despite her body still trembling.

And walk straight off the stage, away from the endless stares. Away from people who wanted to reward her for doing nothing more than cradle a dead boys head in her hands and lead another to his death. A girl who fell to the ground at a dull bang, her heart racing just as fast as it had that day.

Quinn didn't see Rachel immediately stand once she hit the ground, looking as if she wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold the girl. Didn't see the brunette leave the moment she left the stage, causing her own stares to settle in her wake.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: A new chapter. Got some real Faberry interaction here, so tell me what you think of it. As always, any ideas, comments or suggestions are appreciated Hope you enjoy it!**

Quinn sprinted down the deserted corridor, stray tears causing strands of blonde hair to stick to her face. She ran, with no exact end goal in mind, but knowing she had to run. She had to get out of there. Out of their gazes. Out of herself.

And suddenly the self hatred she'd managed to control thus far was too overwhelming, her soul too heavy, her mind too loud.

Quinn lashed out, punching the metal lockers with a scream than echoed down the corridor. Again, she delivered a blow to the locker, and again, before she felt herself grow weak and rest her forehead against the steel.

And it happened.

Once to first sob escaped her, they rapidly overtook her body. It was a real kind of sadness, an honest kind of crying. Something that blanketed her so fully that her body wouldn't dare to attempt to function in any other way. Quinn slid down the locker, face contorted in the pain of loosing herself this much.

Then there were arms holding her. A warm body wrapping itself around her, holding her head to it's chest as hands slowly rubbed her back, soothing words being whispered into her ear. A girl. Who smelt like Strawberries.

Trust Rachel Berry to smell like strawberries.

Quinn, despite herself, clung to Rachel's sweater tightly. Rachel was, arguably, one of the people Quinn would never want to see her like this. Panicked and out of control, her façade fallen, revealing nothing more than a scared little girl. Despite this, Rachel remained with her, body moving and shifting with each sob that racked the blonde, never once stopping whispering hushed words into her ear.

"You're so very brave, Quinn"

"The most beautiful girl I've ever met"

"But you're a lot more than that"

"You're a lot more than you know"

"You remember that, right?"

There, in the middle of the school hallway, the corridor which days earlier they'd experienced the most terrifying event of their young lives, Rachel held Quinn. There, as the rest of the school gathered in the auditorium, Quinn cried like she'd never dared allow herself to. There, in Rachel's arms, Quinn finally found sleep.

When Quinn awoke, she slowly blinked to allow her eyes to adjust to her surroundings. Slowly, slowly, the world around her came into view.

She'd been here before. Been in this room before, or at least she thought. Sitting up, she found herself in a warm bed, looking around the room and trying to piece how, in fact, she knew this place. It hit her suddenly.

She was in Rachel's room.

She'd recognized it from those video's the singer used to put up. Quinn would never admit it, but she'd never missed one. She liked to think that it was because she loved nothing more than to torment the girl, to take her down from that high horse she seemed permanently placed upon. Sitting here and realizing that she'd subconsciously memories aspects of the brunette's room, however, seemed to undo the theory.

Rachel appeared in the doorway, two glasses of water in hand. The smile she offered was sad and hopeful at the same time, a promise filled with uncertainty. The shorter girl placed Quinn's glass on the bedside table, sitting down tentatively on the side of the bed to face the blonde.

"You fell asleep," she provided by way of explanation.

Quinn pulled a face, eyes narrowed slightly.

"You might need to do better than that, Berry"

"Okay, you fell asleep in the hallway. I stayed with you for as long as I could, but within half an hour the students were coming out and, well, I didn't think you'd enjoy being caught up in a stampede, let alone seen clinging to me the way you were. So, I decided to take preemptive action and well…."

Rachel dipped her head at this, tucking her hair behind her ear like she always did when she was nervous or uneasy. Quinn pondered for a moment why she knew that exactly, but quickly shook the thought and continued.

"And?"

"And I carried you out to my car, drove you home, carried you inside and put you to sleep. I know…. If you're having the same issues as me, sleep is hard to come by. I imagined you'd appreciate as much of it as possible."

Quinn nodded along, actually thankful for the effort to which her sort-of-kind-of friend had gone to accommodate her best interest.

"How long? How long have I been sleeping here, I mean."

"It's quarter past two," Rachel replied, a smile slipping onto her face.

"Oh. Then I haven't been here too long"

The smile broke out now as Rachel shook her head.

"Quarter past two on Tuesday. You've slept for a solid 26 hours, Quinn"

While Quinn knew that, logically, her body really had needed the rest, she couldn't help the slight blush that crept over her face at the idea of Rachel possibly watching her sleep for that long. Trying to put aside the thought of this vulnerability, she continued briskly as she attempted to fix her mane hair.

"Berry, I do believe you have a spare bedroom. Why not put me there?"

At this, Rachel blinked rapidly, tucking her hair once more.

"I didn't know you'd basically slip into a coma on my bed, Quinn"

The blonde merely tipped her head to acknowledge the fair point, trying her wild hair back into a messy ponytail. Throwing the covers off of herself, she rolled out of the bed and stood to the side, motioning to the water.

"Water when you're sad, right?"

Rachel's expression was unreadable. For an aspiring Broadway star, the brunette was being very unexpressive, though Quinn quickly chastised herself for thinking in such a way. How could she possibly expect the bubbly and dramatic Rachel back merely a week after the shooting?

"Right", the singer replied, taking a sip of her own glass of water.

"And considering the amount of time you were asleep, combined with how heavily you were crying, I thought you might wake up thirsty"

Her throat was a little dry, the blonde noted, as she moved around to the opposite side of the bed to sit beside Rachel, taking her glass of the bedside table and taking a few gulps.

Silence followed. Conversation had come easily, with even a few friendly jokes made by both girls. Perhaps that was why this silence wasn't uncomfortable, but thoughtful. There was no need to fill it with silly words, not when both girls were so very lost in their minds.

Maybe this was why the abrupt change on conversation came naturally.

"Do you think it'll ever get easier?"

Quinn looked up from her glass to find Rachel already looking at her, that strong and confident expression faltering in her exposed hope; at least that's what the blonde prayed she saw there. They all needed hope right now.

"What'll get easier? Going to school? Missing them? Seeing their faces? Sleeping? Living?"

"All of it", Rachel replied, her voice small.

Quinn fiddled with her cross necklace, giving her hands something to do other than reach out and hold the girl to comfort her. She'd always hated seeing her friends in pain.

"I have to. I have to believe things will get better. Easier. That I'll go to school without seeing the blood. That one day I'll be able to think of them and smile. That maybe I'll see a picture of them alive without seeing them dead. Or sleep without the nightmares. That I'll stop hating myself for living," Quinn answered honestly, eyes never faltering from those brown depths.

They looked at each other for a long time, before Rachel inched closer and closer to Quinn. Reaching her, the blonde seemed to understand what she needed without words, wrapping an arm around the girl and bringing the singers head to her chest as she lay back on the bed.

The two girls lay on top of the covers, Rachel's head on Quinn's chest, both not daring to move in fear of spooking the other. They lay together in the heavy silence of the moment, for so long that Quinn noted Rachel was now breathing in time with her. With each rise of her chest the brunette sucked in a shallow breath, letting it out as she felt the ex cheerio's chest fall back down.

"I miss him", Rachel whispered quietly.

"I know"

"It hurts"

Quinn let out a slow breath, closing her eyes as she broke the stalemate, running a hand through thick brown hair. This comfort she felt, here on Rachel's bed, merely from having the girl so close to her…it was something she'd never experienced. Not even with Brittany or Santana, her two best friends or any one of her boyfriends. It was nice, having the warm body so close, so soft, Rachel's small hand gently clinging to the material of her dress.

"It hurts", she repeated, as if to remember.


	6. Chapter 6

A few days had passed since Quinn had found herself in Rachel's bedroom. School was as painful as she'd expected, and the stab of grief that pieced her chest at every reminder of the events didn't fade, not that she'd expected it to. Judy had offered to take her on a shopping trip to 'cheer her up', causing Quinn to totally give up the idea of her mother ever offering any kind of support.

Her mother's sympathy didn't change once the funerals came around.

Mike's had been hard enough. He boy had a large family, all of whom stoically held themselves in a deep and pensive grief. His mother spoke of a boy who loved dance, his father spoke of a man who loved to learn and Tina spoke of a soul who loved to love.

Old video footage of a young Mike was played before a crowd united in silence other than the occasional sniffle from the boys mother or Glee Club members. Mike taking his first few shaking steps, unaware of how blessed the movement really was. A raven haired boy looking up to the camera, pouting and begging for dance lessons before doing the robot to prove his potential. As a gangly teenager, awkwardly showing his trophies for his academic achievements, collapsing in laughter when his father wrote 'Great Job Mike' on the fridge in what he thought was a whiteboard marker but turned out to be a permanent marker. Older now, the camera focused in on his face as he watched Tina come down the stairs, his breath visibly stolen from her beauty as he fumbled for her corsage.

Now it was Finn's time.

Quinn got dressed slowly, slipping on the only black dress she owned, which cast such a stark contrast to her colorful wardrobe. She applied a light make up, wise enough to leave her eyes alone, and sat on the edge of her bed as she put on her shoes.

This would be a long day. Mike's funeral was difficult, but she knew there was a difference. While she'd talked to the boy animatedly about video games, it wasn't the same relationship she had with Finn. _Used_ to have with Finn. Tina was her friend, so it hurt her to see the smaller girl in pain, but she knew Rachel would be different. She knew Finn's family, had even lived with them that short amount of time. Just as she buckled the last clasp and rose to stand, the realization struck her that forced her to sit back down.

How could she possibly look Carole and Burt in the eye, knowing it was her fault their son was dead?

'_It's my fault'_, she thought as she got in the car and drove to the church.

'_It's my fault',_ she thought as she stood by the doors, watching the already crying crowd file in.

'_It's my fault',_ she thought as she looked down the isle to see Finn's body resting in the coffin, his suit buttoned high to hide the wound which caused his death.

"It's my fault", she said as she felt another person sit beside her.

Rachel didn't say anything. She didn't shake her head, didn't argue against her, didn't reassure Quinn that it was in no way her fault; but she didn't agree either. She simply accepted that Quinn would undoubtedly feel responsible.

Quinn, unable to bring herself to look at her friend, instead looked down their pew to the rest of the glee club members. Now, whenever they were grouped together like this, the blonde could feel herself get on edge. Without even realizing it she did an internal headcount, assessing them for injuries, glancing over her shoulder and warily analyzing her fellow mourners.

"Everyone's alright, Quinn. We're alright"

The ex cheerio let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding, relaxing at Rachel's words.

"You were so brave, sweetheart"

Except this time, it wasn't Rachel's voice.

Turning around, she looked up to find a puffy eyes Carole, Burt standing beside her with a comforting hand on her back. The couple gazed down at her, their expression nothing but loving. Never the less, Quinn immediately got to her feet, feeling Rachel move to stand beside her, placing a hand on her back.

"Mrs Hudson-Hummel, Mr. Hudson-Hummel….I'm so, so sorry for letting that happen to your son", the blonde managed, her voice shaking but her determination to get through this remaining strong.

The pair's faces fell even graver, if it were at all possible, and fresh tears fell from Carole's eyes as she pulled the young girl into her arms, holding her tightly and crying into her hair.

"Don't you do that to yourself, beautiful. You hear me? Don't you dare."

For some reason, the words didn't bring Quinn to tears like she expected the relief would. Instead, she simply clung to Carole, her fingers digging into the woman's shoulder blades, closing her eyes to steady herself before pulling away.

Burt rested his hand on Quinn's shoulder, looking at both Rachel and Quinn now.

"You girls…I just. I just wanted to say that you're like daughters to me. Both of you have had so much involvement in my family's life and we just…we wanted you to know that"

The man, normally so loving and comforting, had tears in his eyes as he removed his hand from the blonde's shoulder to cup Rachel's face, giving a small nod before leading Carole over to their position in the row in front.

"I miss him"

"I know"

"It hurts"

"It hurts"

They sat back down in unison, Rachel's hand slipping across from its position on Quinn's lower back, returning to her lap.

Kurt sat up in the family row, his head bowed as Blaine sat in the glee row behind, eyes never leaving his boyfriend, looking as if he wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold him. Santana and Brittany, the blonde resting her head on the Latina's shoulder, whispering words to the brunette who seemed lost. Artie, Sam and Rory, all wearing matching ties, sitting together in a silence that blanketed them fully. Mercedes and Tina, heads bowed and clutching at tissues.

Yet one was not among their numbers.

Quinn looked around, guessing that Noah may have retreated to the back. Instead, when she turned back around she found the mohawked boy clutching the side of the coffin, gazing down at the face of the boy he couldn't bring himself to look at that fateful day.

The blonde watched as slowly the crowd became aware of the tall boys presence, watching in a hushed silence as he placed both hands on the edge now.

"He hates his hair being like that", Puck whispered, looking up to the priest who gazed down at the boy with a look of sadness and confusion.

"And he doesn't like suits, he says they make him feel old"

Puck was turning frantically to the members of the family, his eyes wide and begging and pain filled.

"He doesn't like suits. Where's his drumsticks. He said he wanted to be buried with his drumsticks"

Sam was moving forward now, joining Burt in trying to pry the boy off his friend. Puck allowed himself to be lead away, but not before he completely broke down. It was a terrifying thing, seeing a boy so strong and young look so very weak and broken. And that's what he was.

"Finn, buddy, I didn't want you to die. I was only messing around, you gotta believe me"

And Quinn was taken back to the first sign of danger. When that damn lockdown bell had rang out, before they'd been thrown into this damn nightmare and thought the entire thing was simply a drill. When Noah had formed a gun with his fingers, pressed them to Finn's head, and pulled the trigger.

She ached for Noah.

The boy sat down at the end of the Glee bench, crying and whispering things under his breath, Sam clutching his knee and looking like he had no idea what to do.

The priest did the usual speech on how God had taken Finn so early in his life for a special reason, and that the turn out exemplified how many people had loved the young man.

Then it was the family's turn.

Carole pressed play on a large projector, starting young just as Mike had; but one scene caused Quinn to freeze. Finn shying away from the camera. "Go on, Finn, tell the camera your big news!", Carole cooed. Finn, shooting a bashful grin, replied "Quinn Fabray said she'd be my girlfriend!". He looked like he was going to explode in happiness. "Cheerleader Quinn Fabray? As in the head cheerio?", Carole prompted, clearly already knowing the answer. "And the prettiest girl in school!" Finn added, beaming.

Burt held a crinkled piece of paper in his shaking hands, clearing his throat several times.

"Finn was a great kid. A brilliant son. He was a good brother to Kurt, a good friend to his fellow glee members and a loyal team mate to the football team. But if there was anything in the world Finn loved being the most, it was being important to someone. He wanted people to feel good about themselves. So that's why I know he was also a good boyfriend to Rachel Berry, who he loved so very much."

The speech carried on, Quinn noting that now Rachel, too, was sitting stock still beside her.

Kurt's speech bought everyone to tears. Recounting the transformation of a boy who had assisted in throwing him into dumpsters to a brother who confided and defended, he couldn't help with give a watery smile.

"…Even if he always needed a little help with the girls in his life. I was always reminding him that Rachel was vegan and Mercedes had to help pick out songs for him to sing to her. Rachel picking out Quinn's corsage for prom"

Quinn was crying. Rachel was crying.

The corsage, for some reason always an object of memory to Quinn, had been chosen by Rachel. A ribbon to match her eyes, on her wrist so as not to distract from her face, a flower so beautiful.

Quinn didn't say anything.

Instead, she did only what she wasn't brave enough to do earlier, but Rachel had been. This time, it was Quinn who reached out to slip her hand into the singers, gripping tightly.

They remained like this, hand in hand, throughout the remainder of the ceremony. Hand in hand while Finn was placed in the ground. Hand in hand as they walked through the church grounds, silent more often than not, coming to a stop when they reached the parking lot.

Quinn let go first.

"You told Finn to get me the gardenia?"

"Yes"

Neither looked at each other. Quinn looked at her car, Rachel watching the crowd disperse. Silence was becoming familiar.

"I miss him"

"I know"

"It hurts"

"It hurts"

"Goodbye, Quinn"

"Goodbye, Rachel"

With that, they both got into their cars and drove home. In opposite directions, yes; but on the same road.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Hi again guys, hope you're all going well. Here's the latest chapter of the story. A chapter kind of dedicated to Quinn's feelings, necessary as you can imagine. Please leave a review, I truly love them and they keep me writing. Thanks **

The next week held a few interesting developments.

The main one being just how important a role Rachel Berry now played in Quinn Fabray's life. Quinn, taken by surprise at the comfort she'd felt in the brunette's arms, couldn't help but want it. This was a drug she'd happily be addicted to forever. This comfort, this total reassurance, was probably something normal people were lucky enough to get from their parents. Maybe that's why Rachel was so good at it; her dad's seemed like very loving people.

So maybe it shouldn't have come as a surprise to Quinn when she was standing out the front of Rachel's house, barefoot and in nothing but her boxers and loose tank top.

Quinn had been restlessly trying to get to sleep, blood and tears scared onto the back of her eyelids as gunshots and agonized screams chased each other around her mind. She lay on her back, eyes on the ceiling, singing the song that she used to sing when she was too restless to sleep while pregnant.

"_In the Jungle,_

_The mighty Jungle,_

_The Lion Sleeps tonight_

_Hush my darling,_

_Go sleep my darling,_

_The lion sleeps tonight"_

She could feel herself fading, if not for the song than for her body's pure exhaustion.

Eyelids heavy, drooping, mind fading, screams softening….

Suddenly, a loud bang pieced her ears. Followed by another.

Quinn shot bolt upright, her eyes wide, breathing already rapid as she scrambled out of bed without a second thought. This time, she wouldn't allow herself to crumble into a useless heap; she had some courage left.

She practically fell down the stairs in her haste, racing past her mother who was fast asleep with a glass of wine still in her draped hand. Quinn flung the door open, slammed it shut behind her and took off, totally forgetting the option of the car.

She sprinted through the night. Not at an even pace like she was more than used to after endless relentless cheerio drills, but at a full on, panicked sprint.

There was no other option.

Not if she wanted to keep her safe.

So the blonde ran through the dark silence, nothing but her heavy footsteps and breathing filling it, sweat meeting crisp air and leaving her shivering once she reached her destination.

So here she stood, barefoot, boxers and tank top, panting out the front of Rachel's house.

Not knowing what else to do, Quinn looked over to find a tree beside Rachel's bedroom window. Without a second hesitation she began scrambling up the tree, terrified of her mind's creations of the sight she may be faced with. Twigs and stray bark scraped at her skin, but did nothing to stop her on her determined ascent.

Reaching the window, the blonde quickly rapped on the glass, pressing her forehead against the cool surface and whispering a soft prayer. Rachel was in her bed, unmoving. Instantly the blonde's heart rate picked up, her panic doubling at the unmoving form of her new found friend.

"Rachel!" she shouted, tapping harder on the glass now.

Mercifully, the brunette's form stirred, rolling over to face the window and rubbing her eyes. Upon opening them, Rachel gave a soft, almost dreamy smile, before shooting straight up, clearly caught by surprise. As quickly as the smile was gone, concern covered her features as she leapt out of bed, opening the window and pulling Quinn in.

The moment Quinn was inside, she flung her arms around the smaller girl, burying her face in the crook of her neck, exhaustion finally hitting her from her journey. They stayed like this, the singer placing hesitant hands on the blonde's lower back, allowing her to hold her as long as she needed to.

Her faith that Rachel was indeed unharmed established, Quinn withdrew herself, suddenly back to herself after her moment with Rachel.

"A…A car backfired. I thought…I don't know, really, I mean, I just-"

"It's okay, Quinn. You're exhausted, come sit down", Rachel instructed, leading the blonde by the hand over to the bed, sitting on the edge.

Quinn fell into place beside her, eyes on her clasped hands in her lap.

"God, Rachel, I'm sorry. You were sleeping, probably need it just as much as me and I came barging in here", Quinn muttered, shaking her hung head.

"Don't be silly, Quinn. You're more than welcome into my home any time you wish. Besides, I've always slept better with company. And there are nights when these just don't cut it", Rachel replied with uncharacteristic shyness, motioning towards the dozen stuffed animals that littered her bed.

Quinn couldn't suppress the smile that slipped onto her face as she looked over the toys, before her face fell to a hesitant expression as she looked back to Rachel.

"Y-you want me to stay over?"

Rachel's face went blank, recovering so quickly Quinn believed perhaps she was imagining things.

"Well yes, of course. By the looks of you, you didn't drive here, it's not safe to send you back into the dangers of the night and I'd much rather sleep than drive you home. So no, Quinn, I don't _want_ you to stay the night, I'm telling you to. Though your company will be greatly appreciated"

Quinn merely rolled her eyes. Only Rachel Berry to resort to ranting to get her into bed. Without another word, both girls hopped under the covers, Quinn finding herself surrounded by the small furry bodies of the stuffed animals. The pair lay on their backs, as far as possible away from each other, almost fearing that any closer would result in the other calling off this…

What was this? Not a truce, the mutual friendship had been well established by now. Comfort? Surely not, Quinn always considered touch to be comfort. Perhaps presence alone was comfort enough to Rachel. The intimacy of the moment, however, was not lost either girl. The ex cheerio decided to fill the silence first.

"I was really scared"

"I know"

"I'm sorry I woke you up"

"I know"

"Goodnight, Rachel"

"Goodnight, Quinn"

When morning broke, Rachel's alarm sounded loudly, causing the singer to sit up and go about her routine, pausing only to poke Quinn in the ribs when she refused to cease her loud groans of protest, covering her head with a pillow to shield herself when the brunette opened the curtains. After the morning routine, Rachel drove Quinn to her home so the blonde could quickly get changed, scoffing down a breakfast in the car as they made their way to school.

"Good morning, Noah!" Rachel smiled, greeting the boy as they walked into the school corridor.

"Is it?" Quinn grumbled, rubbing her eyes in a futile attempt to wake herself up.

Noah shot Quinn a look that almost looked like a smile, nodding to Rachel but remaining silent. The bags under his eyes revealed he was having as hard a time sleeping as Rachel and Quinn. While the other glee club members were understandably traumatized, the remaining trio from that fateful scouting mission were clearly the worst affected.

They walked for a second longer, finding a certain kind of peace in being with others who _understood_. But then a boy went to chase after his friend, barging Noah on his way past.

The larger boy span around, catching the guy by the back of his shirt collar and swinging him up against the lockers. The mohawked boy was on him in an instant, eyes blind to everything but the next well positioned punch and kick. It was a flurry of movement, fists coming down as quickly as they were coming back up, Puck showing no sign of relenting.

Quinn pounced forward, grabbing Noah's hands and screaming at him.

"Noah, stop! This isn't him, it's not him!"

Thankfully, the muscular boy seemed to hear her all the way from wherever he was. Coming back into it, he blinked rapidly, looking between his fists, the crumpled form and the wide eyes of Quinn before taking a trembling step back and sprinting out of the front doors.

Every single student watched him as he left.

After taking the innocent victim to the nurses' office, Quinn leant back against the wall, pressing the palm of her hand against her forehead. Rachel sighed, crossing her arms and looking at the ground.

"You know, I've been thinking…Maybe we should-"

Rachel was cut of by the blaring voice over the speaker right above them.

"All students are to report to the auditorium for an assembly"

Quinn looked at Rachel. Rachel looked at Quinn.

Without really knowing, they knew.

They were about to learn the identity of the shooter. The name that took Mike and Finn. The life that, for now, had taken theirs.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello again guys! So, here's the shooter. Kind of a bit of a different take on what is normally presented in shooting fics. I hope you like it I'm hoping to get back into writing this story, and if anyone has anything they want to see happen or have any ideas, shout out in the comments. As always, enjoy and please review; they always make me happy!**

The students had already pilled into the auditorium by the time Quinn and Rachel made their way in. Whispers of Noah's earlier incident surrounded them, sweeping over them like waves, though the two girls did their best to ignore them.

Quinn led the way over to two seats to the side. The moment she sat down, she looked around for any sign of her fellow glee club members, but found none. The thought of not knowing where her friends were in such a vulnerable time put her even more on edge, but Rachel seemed to sense this, mumbling a few reassuring words until the blonde settled somewhat.

Principal Figgins stood behind the podium, clearing his throat several times before speaking. It was clear that this was not going to be easy for him, that he was going to have a hard time presenting the information he was about to reveal; and this confirmed the two girls worst thoughts.

The shooter.

"Attention teachers and students," he began, his voice graver than they'd ever heard it.

"I've gathered you all here today for an important announcement. After much discussion with the local police, we have decided that it for everyone's best benefit for you to become aware of the identity of the student who orchestrated the…events"

Quinn couldn't remember when she'd been in a school assembly this silent.

"Adam Clark"

The name was unfamiliar. A look to Rachel proved the name had no significance to her either. Glancing around the crowd, the blonde saw no sign of the name meaning anything to anyone.

But then a picture came up on screen.

A picture of a boy with a beaming, eager smile. A small young man, freckles sweeping his dimpled cheeks, blue eyes shimmering and brown hair slightly scruffed.

Quinn had seen him. Never knew his name.

And suddenly she remembered.

_Quinn walked down the main corridor, flanked by Brittany and Santana. Hair pulled tightly back into a ponytail, she watched through cold eyes as students parted before her, shrinking away at the sight of the bright red cheerio's uniform. _

_All except one. _

_A nameless boy approached her, extending a letter out to Quinn, a shy smile on his face. _

"_Good morning, Quinn Fabray. I was hoping you'd take this letter, and consider my offer for taking you out on a date"_

_Before Quinn could even snicker, Santana had snatched the letter from his grasp, ripping it open before reading it aloud in a whiney, high pitched voice. _

"_Dear Quinn Fabray, I would like you to know that I think you're simply the most stunning girl I've ever seen. I would like it very much if you would allow me to take you out on a date, and treat you like a lady. Yours, nameless nodody," Santana finished with a sneer, thrusting the letter harshly back into the now trembling boys chest. _

_Laughing, the girls walked off. _

Quinn was stock still, shock coursing over her. A voice rang in her ears.

"Quinn, look out!"

Finn had shouted at her to give her warning. Because Adam had been aiming for _her_. She was supposed to take Finn's place, shot in the throat, slipping away from the world drowning in her own blood.

Beside her, Rachel was having a similar experience.

"_No, no no!" Rachel screeched, flailing her hands through the air in her frustrated fit. _

_The band groaned. This was the sixteenth time Rachel had cut herself off, and they still hadn't managed to get through the entire song at least once. In a huff, the tiny girl stood in the center of the stage, glaring up to the lighting boy. _

"_Could you please try and do your job properly? I can't engage in the appropriate amount of eye contact with the judges if the light is glaring and possibly damaging my eyes, can I?"_

_Somewhere in the darkness of the upstairs lighting came a disgruntled mumble, quickly followed by a_

"_Yes Ma'am"_

"_Good. What's your name, anyway?" Rachel questioned, hands on her hip. _

"_Never mind. The only thing that's important is that a star can only shine when she has the right and appropriately trained people lighting her up. Understood?"_

_A heavy sigh. Followed by another_

"_Yes Ma'am"_

Unknown to the girls, far to their left and near the back, Sam sat alone, having only gotten into the auditorium when the picture flashed onto the screen.

He knew that face. He'd talked to him only two weeks before the shooting.

"_Look, kid, I'm sorry. But I just don't think you're cut out for my football team"_

_Beist gave a small shrug, swinging the sack over her shoulder with a nod and walking off. _

"_Tough break bro," Puck mumbled, punching the blue eyed boy on his way past. _

"_You can always try out next year," Finn offered with a smile, following Noah. _

"_I can help you practice, if you want!" Mike quipped, putting on his bag and leaving. _

_Sam was the last one there, struggling to get changed back into his Spiderman hoodie. When he finally emerged, he found a small brown haired boy standing in the middle of the change room, tears brimming in his eyes. _

"_Look, mate I'm sorry…" Sam began awkwardly. _

"_I just. I need people to notice me. I've been here three years and nobody….nobody even knows my name," was the unnamed boys reply, staring at Sam desperately. _

_Sam gulped. _

"_Well, ah. What's your name?"_

"_Adam. Adam Clark"_

"_Clark, like Clark Kent!" Sam grinned. _

_Adam stared at him blankly. _

"_You know, like Superman…." Sam trailed lamely, straighten up and throwing his bag over his shoulder. _

_He walked past the smaller boy, placing a hand on his shoulder. _

"_I'll tell you what, Adam. This is your year, yeah? You'll find something to get noticed, I just know it. And then everyone will know your name"_

_Adam gave a small nod, eyes still downcast, left alone in the room as Sam left. _

Quinn glanced around the mass of students, trying to find any Glee club members. She looked around just in time to see Sam jump up and sprint out the doors.

Without a word, Quinn leapt to her feet and took off after him. She followed him out the doors, tracked the last flick of blonde hair around the corner of the corridor. Heard the slamming of the bathroom door. She hesitated, slamming a hand over her eyes, opening the door and shouting into it bathroom.

"Listen up, this is Quinn Fabray. Anyone in here other than Sam Evans ought to leave right. Now"

She impressed herself with the ease in which she could slip into that commanding tone, but didn't dwell on it long. Stepping into the bathroom, she heard a familiar sound.

Sam was in the only closed stall, throwing up.

Quinn leant against the wall, her head hung low and waiting until he finally stopped.

Silence followed.

Then,

"It's my fault, Quinn."

Quinn bit her lip, hesitating.

"It's my fault too, Sam"

She heard a chocked sob bounce around the bathroom, as Sam obviously tried to hold back the tears. Deciding it was best to leave him now, she stepped outside.

And into Rachel's arms.

The brunette threw her arms around her, pressing her face into her neck as she cried heavily. Quinn could feel her chest moving back and forth with the force of the sobs underneath her hands, the singers small body trembling as she cried so hard the blonde feared she may never stop.

"It's my fault"

"It's my fault"

After a long pause, after a long breath, Rachel said the words that made everything better.

"We were cruel to him. He shot Finn and Mike. He murdered them. There's a difference"

Quinn peeled herself away from the girl, cupping her face with her hands. She slid a thumb across delicate cheeks to rid them of tears. She felt her heart constrict painfully.

"It still hurts," Rachel whispered.

"It hurts," Quinn replied, so as if to remember.

Because if Quinn was to be honest, the days were getting more painful.

But not only for the same reason Rachel was talking about.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'm sorry for abandoning you guys, but I'm back! Hopefully you guys can stay with me, and I promise it'll be worth it. I'm actually going to incorporate aspects of my own relationship with my beautiful girlfriend and editor, Charlie (Raichuberry) for realism. So stay tuned, updates should be once a week from here on in!**

"…And so good American Christians are becoming a minority. We're demonized by a country that believes homosexuality is God's will. They think these people, living in sin, deserve to be married in a union before the eyes of God. And they wonder why God has turned His back on them!"

A small chorus of "Amen" followed.

Quinn sat with her hands folded neatly on the knee of her crossed over leg, listening to the service. She had, upon joining the Glee Club and befriending Kurt, done her own research into what the Bible said on homosexuality; and found nothing. Jesus himself had never spoken against this apparently great sin of man.

Though that didn't change the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach.

So sure, she wasn't exactly the bible quoting, abstinence preaching girl she used to be; but that didn't make her any less devoted to her faith. It was something important to her, and that's how she preferred to keep it. Unlike the others that attended her church, who took it upon themselves to 'spread God's word', the simple cross around her neck was enough for Quinn.

The service ended, Quinn being among the first to leave, murmuring a quick 'thank you' as she passed the preacher. Digging her keys out of her bag, she jumped into her car, slipping a CD in before sitting stock still.

She didn't really have anywhere to go.

Her typical Sunday morning was all about church with her mother, and then spending the afternoon following her around the mall. Today, however, her mother had been to 'ill' to get out of bed, claiming a stomach bug despite the copious amounts of wine bottles littering her floor.

Satanna and Brittany were out of the running, the pair were probably enjoying the morning together after, well, enjoying the night together. Noah was who knows where doing who knows what.

Months had passed since that fateful day, and life was starting to return to normal. Police presence at school was starting to wane, news articles were barely existent and those affected could start to live and laugh once more.

She began driving with no end in sight, driving for the sake of getting anywhere anytime. Before she really had formed the plan in her mind, she was on the road to Rachel's house. Before she knew it, she was parking in her driveway. Before she could stop herself, she was knocking on Rachel's door.

Almost as if she had been waiting for the knock, the door swung open to reveal Rachel in-

_Oh_.

Rachel in an oversized baseball style jersy, her hair falling in soft tussles over the curve of her shoulders. Whether or not the brunette before her was wearing any pants underneath that large shirt was unclear, the red and white fabric extending down mid thigh.

Rachel's expression changed to mimic the shock that Quinn was sure must be written across her own. A soft flush crept across the singers cheeks as she self consciously curled her fingers around the hem of her shirt, tugging it down a little further.

"Quinn", Rachel began, before clearing her throat.

"Suffice to say, I wasn't expecting your company this afternoon. I'm actually waiting for my Dad's to come back from a trip. As I'm sure you've gathered, you've caught me in my lounge wear"

The blonde nodded a quick reply, running a hand across her neck.

"Yeah, sorry Rachel. I'll leave you to it then"

Before she could even turn to leave, the singers small hands wrapped around her wrist, tugging her through the doorway.

"Don't be silly. I'll just dash upstairs and put on an appropriate outfit"

The words seemed to hang in the air, cartoon style, as Rachel sprinted up the stairs to her room.

Leaving a very dazed Quinn in her wake.

Taking a look around the Berry's living room, Quinn felt like she was intruding on some kind of sacred family land. Never before had she seen a house so entirely dedicated to family love. Endless pictures lined walls, souvenirs and memento's had pride of place on top of the fireplace.

A beaming couple holding up certificates in one hand, holding each others hands in the other, hidden by the dark fabric of their graduation robes. Two neatly dressed men signing a document together. The pair holding a small brunette bundle up 'Simba' style to a poster of Barbra Streisand.

Walking along the wall and peering at each picture in turn, the blonde's smile seemed to grow with each step. A small laugh even rumbled in her throat as she picked up a rough, worn out stuffed kitten.

"Dorothy, meet Quinn. Quinn, meet Dorothy"

Rachel motioned between the two from her position on the stairs, now dressed in her traditional skirt and animal sweater combination.

Quinn turned, clutching the barely still stuffed toy to her chest, turning her now full smile to Rachel.

"Dorothy. Let me guess…"

"Wizard of Oz", they said in unison.

Rachel grinned, stepping forward to pet the animal in Quinn's arms, taking the opportunity to glance up into hazel eyes.

"So, what gives me the pleasure of having you in my home today? Although I do applauded you on your ingenious use of a front door", the singer teased, in the tone Quinn instantly recognized as instruction to laugh.

She complied.

"Well, I didn't really have anyone else to hang out with today-"

Rachel's smile faltered in an instant.

"No, not like that. I mean, my mom's sick. So I figured you and I might… I don't know. Spend time together, I guess?"

Even quicker than her smile had disappeared, it was drawn back across that flawless skin, the smile joining her eyes now.

"I'd love to have you in my home for the day", was the reply.

And so began the pair's day together. Quinn gradually felt more at ease in the home, Rachel quick to give the blonde a guided tour, before the girls decided on watching a movie. As expected, their tastes clashed which inevitably led to Rachel pouting.

"Quinn, I don't have any kind of the movies you like. These are _classics_!"

"V for Vendetta IS a classic", the ex cheerleader shot back.

Quinn eventually persuaded Rachel into loading the movie on her laptop ("It's illegal!") and together they settled on the diva's bed, legs extended, a bowl of popcorn between them.

The blonde felt a blanket of comfort settle over her, something she hadn't felt in a long time. It was easy, being here with Rachel. She didn't have to pretend to be anything other than what she was, and she found herself stealing glances at the girl as her face flickered in the lighting from the movie. Light danced across her features, and Quinn couldn't help but recognize that Rachel was indeed very beautiful.

The movie progressed, Quinn finding herself absorbed by the brilliant plot and acting once more. Rachel had her head against Quinn's shoulder, so the ex cheerio was glad for a distraction from the energized feeling the small action gave her.

"See, Rachel? And that's why the-"

Suddenly the weight slipped from her shoulder and into her lap. With only a small muffled noise, a sleeping Rachel adjusted onto her side, her hair forming a curtain across her face, head resting on Quinn's legs.

As hard as Quinn fought the smile that tugged at her lips, she ultimately lost. Her heart starting beating quicker, and she could have sworn she had never been more aware of her breathing and movements in her life. With a delicate hand, she reached out and gently brushed the hair from the brunette's face, tucking it behind her ear. The singer looked so peaceful in her sleep, so fragile and vulnerable that the blonde couldn't bear to wake her.

So despite it being only midday, despite being a guest in a new home and despite the movie coming to an end, Quinn let Rachel sleep. She tilted her head back against the headboard, closing her eyes and letting her mind take her.

"Sweet dreams, Rach"


	10. Chapter 10

This chapter will be left blank, in memory of those lives lost in the Connecticut School Shooting. I've written horrors in this story that I'd never wish upon anyone, young or old. May those who survived find healing, and those who passed be remembered.

This story will resume as normal in the next week. May it be a sign of recovering and hope. Thank you.


	11. Chapter 11

The bell rang out as the students gathered in the choir room, everyone falling into the usual rhythm.

Quinn was one of the last to enter, green eyes scanning the room and observing the people who had, over time, become her family. Blaine chatting away with Sam, Brittany showing Mercedes something on her phone that caused the diva to raise an eyebrow, Satanna sitting nearby filing her nails. Kurt holding Tina's hand as they both sat with their eyes downcast. Artie showing Rory how to strum a rhythm on the guitar, while Rachel sat to the side, reading.

Noah was nowhere to be seen.

As Quinn made her way across the room to her usual spot, something caught her eye. In the trophy cabinet sat photo's of Finn and Mike with a plaque displayed proudly over the top.

"Your spirit will always be remembered here"

The familiar pit in her stomach deepened, guilt climbing over her once more. Turning away from the two smiling faces, Quinn sat in her usual seat just before Noah slipped in silently, determined not to make eye contact with anyone as he made his way quickly to the back row. Quinn didn't have time to turn around to look at her friend before Mr. Schue arrived in the room, heavy dark bags under his eyes.

"Alright, guys. So this is obviously the first session we've had together since, well, the last time. And I just want you all to know that I'm so sorry for letting you down. I wasn't there when you needed me the most and I will never, ever, let myself forget that"

Silence met his words, each student looking to their teacher as his heavy words fell over them. His was a familiar pain to Quinn, and when her teacher met her eyes, the blonde dipped her head in appreciation for his effort to convey his anguish into words.

"But moving forward, I want this place to regain the joy it once did. And in saying that, I think an assignment reflecting just that would be in order. I'll randomly assign a single person or pair a song, and you can perform it next week"

Something about the regularity of this meeting was comforting to Quinn. She didn't need a half an hour debriefing, didn't want everyone to sit in a circle and say their favorite memories of those they'd known. The small spark, however dulled, that shone in 's eyes as he talked about his idea. The chalkboard emblazoned "Moving Forward". The way the small murmur rose up and followed each word of their leader. The way-

"Rachel, you'll be paired up with Quinn. The song I've chosen is about how, despite your differences, your friendship has grown into a strong bond. Howie Day's, Collide"

Well then.

Brown eyes instantly fell upon her, and the blonde couldn't bring herself to meet them immediately. Forcing the surprise from her eyes, she met Rachel's gaze with a warm smile, finding something- for the first time in a while- resembling happiness shimmering in them. Quinn couldn't say she was exactly familiar with the song, and she wasn't sure it was something in Rachel's musical library. Either way, they were paired together, and at the very least Quinn was satisfied with not only having talent on her side, but also someone who really took the assignment to heart; not as a chance to further agonize over the loss, but to honor it and move on.

The minute Mr. Shue dismissed them, Rachel was standing up and making her way over. Straightening out her skirt as she stood in front of Quinn, she began in a tone that Quinn had long missed.

In charge.

"I'm glad we're paired together, I've been onto for months now to let us duet, ever since we sang in 'I feel pretty/Unpretty'. Our voices match very well. So, practice wise, I think our talent will speak for itself, but I think we'd best practice regardless. I'm available Tuesday's after 6, Wednesday right after school, well, until-"

"Rachel"

Quinn stood, finding herself face to face with the smaller girl. Something about seeing Rachel back in her old self- confident, rambling, full of ideas- had given Quinn the permission to not pander the girl as if she were the dazed, silent brunette of months ago, and allow her find her roots once more. This change was much appreciated by Quinn, having felt that she had been in far too vulnerable position as of late.

"How about tonight? I'm available, and I bet you are too. I'm not familiar with the song, and by you needing the time to practice, I'm guessing you aren't either. So, I'll see you tonight, say five?"

Up close, Quinn could have sworn Rachel's eyes flicker down to briefly glimpse at her lips. No, it must have been the proximity, because before the thought had a chance to register Rachel was nodding sheepishly.

The blonde turned around and gathered her things, her mind buzzing in a way that was only slightly off putting. She would soon be in Rachel's house, her room even, singing and hearing that voice and she was just so pretty and elegant and-

"Go team go!", Rachel cheered, performing some mix of a hop skip and jump over to Quinn, one hand raised and extended in the universal gesture.

Biting her lip to hold back the laugh that threatened to burst out, Quinn merely raised her hand and high fived Rachel.

Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as she thought.


	12. Chapter 12

The door swung open, revealing two handsomely dressed men, their beaming smiles slipping through the door before even their full bodies came into view. Quinn looked up to Rachel's fathers, quickly cursing herself as she realized she had no idea which was which.

"Mr. Berry, Mr. Berry"

Before she could object, the taller or the two lunged forward, grabbed her by the hand and tugged her over the thresh hold.

"Quinn, we're so glad to finally have you in our home! And you do clean up quite beautifully, might I add"

"Even more beautiful than Rachel's described", chimed in the second of the two men.

"Dad, Daddy, don't scare her away; I like her"

Rachel appeared at the bottom of the stairs, newly printed lyrics in hand. Already changed into a yellow sundress, her hair fell messy and loose after being up all day. She met Quinn with a smile, gently prying the blonde's hand from her father and taking it in her own.

The feeling it brought was odd. Not quite adrenaline, not quite comfort. All Quinn knew was that she liked Rachel's skin; her palms were soft and small and her fingers curled around in a way that made them feel like they belonged there.

She didn't have too much time to think about this strangeness though, because Rachel was quickly pulling at her hand and leading her back up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Nice to see you two again!", Quinn hastily managed before the door was closed behind her.

Rachel let go of her hand, and instantly she felt herself missing the touch. The brunette extended a copy of the lyrics, backing up blindly and sitting on the edge of her bed, eyes already focused on the sheets.

Quinn leant against the door, analyzing the room itself. No surprise, the elliptical in the corner, those familiar stuffed animals scattered on the bed, pictures of Barbra on the wall, a framed photo on the bed stand of Finn-

Her heart physically ached. Regardless of how long it had been, the image of the smiling young man bought back the vision of that smile laced in horror, blood spilling from his mouth, gargling breaths….

But Rachel was biting her lip, brow furrowed slightly as she bought her legs up to her chest, delving further into her reading. No doubt already considering the arrangement.

To distract herself from focusing on the picture, the blonde decided she might as well finally give these lyrics a look over.

Oh.

She physically gulped. Actually gulped, actual tightening of the chest, pulse actually picked up a pace. What she was looking at was a song that Mr. Schue had picked for them as if he'd been spending time within Quinn's head.

"Let's read through it together, okay? Don't focus too much on pitch for now, although I will be", Rachel instructed, patting the area next to her.

Sitting down beside the brunette, Quinn tried to calm her nerves in order for her voice to even work, let alone sing.

"We'll take it one verse at a time, you go first", Rachel offered, gathering the papers in hand.

Taking a long, deep breath, Quinn started.

"_The dawn is breaking  
>A light shining through<br>You're barely waking  
>And I'm tangled up in you"<em>

Rachel smiled, nodding along as the final line wrapped up, then began.

Looking directly at Quinn.

"_I'm open, you're closed_

_Where I follow, you'll go_

_I worry I won't see your face_

_Light up again"_

As if Quinn's heart weren't beating unusually fast enough as it was, looking into those deep brown eyes wasn't helping.

"_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_

_I somehow find, you and I_

_Collide"_

Rachel leaned forward a bit

"_I'm quiet, you know"_, Quinn added

"_You make a first impression"_, Rachel sang with a smile

Quicker pulse. More truth behind this line.

"_I've found I'm scared to know you're always on my mind"_

Rachel dipped her head a little

"_Even the best fall down sometime"_

"_Even the stars refuse to shine",_ Quinn sang, smiling at the 'Stars' despite herself

"_Out of the back you fall in time",_ Rachel's voice grew softer

"_You somehow find, you and I, collide"_

Quinn's breath skipped, eyes now locked with Rachel.

"_Don't stop here"_, the singer's voice grew ever softer

"_I lost my place"_, Quinn managed

"_I'm close behind"_

Their voices charged together for the final chorus.

"_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_

_You'll finally find_

_You and I_

_Collide_

_You finally find, you and I_

_Collide"_

The song sounded great. Their voices were perfect together, there was no denying that.

That was the reason for the sparkle in Rachel's eyes, right? The reason Quinn couldn't stop looking at her; at her lips, her eyelashes, her cheekbones, collarbone…

"I should probably get going"

Caught off-guard, Rachel pulled back, half tumbling off the bed. Straightening herself back up, she raised an eyebrow in objection.

"Leave? But you've only practiced just the once. There's so much more to go through, and we're both busy with-"

"Sorry, Rachel. I've just got to go, we'll do it again some other time", the blonde interrupted, folding the lyrics and placing them in her skirt pocket as she made her way to the door.

She left before the smaller girl had a chance to reply, rushing down the stairs. The smell of a cooked chicken meal hit her like a wall, but the sight of the Berrys setting a place for her at the table hit her like a punch.

"Quinn! We wanted you to stay for-"

"Something came up, thanks, Mr. Berry's"

This feeling was overwhelming. She managed to get a hold on her voice, controlling her legs enough to force them to carry her out of the house and into her car. Her hand shook as she slammed the door behind her, the sensation not stopping even once she had wrapped her fingers around the steering wheel. Starting the car, she drove.

She drove without a location in mind. She knew that she just had to get away, away from Rachel, away from whatever had clutched her chest and was only now bringing tears to her eyes. It happened quickly, tears burning behind her eyes until she let them fall- slowly at first but rapidly increasing until her face was completely wet. Quinn found herself without breath, this feeling tearing it from her before she could gather it. The sound of forced quick breaths was all that filled the car, accompanied only by the odd sob that managed to make its way out of her very core. It was a feeling that made her body tense, a thought that made her mind ache.

She stopped the car. Quinn didn't know why she had driven here, of all places, but part of her knew it was the only place she could go. She left the car slowly, her legs shaking but working nonetheless, and walked up to the large wooden doors of her church.

The isle had never felt as long as it did now, but the blonde was thankful to find the church empty. Each footstep echoed darkly around the area, light straying through the stain glass windows. Picking her spot in the second row, Quinn neatly tucked in her skirt as she took her place on the pew.

It was a familiar setting, but never before had it made her heart race like this. The blonde leaned forward, placing her elbows on the backing of the pew in front before placing her hands together.

While tears were falling silently now, she didn't bother to wipe at them. Instead, she closed her eyes, and spoke to the one person she could. She spoke of something she had never known, not even recently, not even in the car ride over. This feeling, that had made her flee from the house, that tightened her heart, was finally understood in a single sentence.

"I'm in love with Rachel Berry"


	13. Chapter 13

A smile that showed nothing but love and adoration blazed before her. Brittany, in all her brilliance, sat cross-legged atop a desk, her hand digging absently through a box of Lucky Charms.

"Go on, and then what happened?"

Quinn sighed. For a week now she'd managed to avoid Rachel, as well as everyone from the Glee club. She'd come to accept her feelings now, if acceptance was defined as no longer breaking down at random intervals throughout the day. Feeling like this was a burden far too heavy to carry herself, the blonde had decided to confide in the other. Brittany was, after all, the ideal candidate for this kind of position; she had very liberal views on sexuality, was already a long time friend, and Quinn knew better than anyone else that if she chickened out half way through revealing this, Brittany would forget in no time.

"And then I left. Ran out of her house, to be more precise"

The blonde scowled, munching a mouthful of the cereal thoughtfully. Then-

"So you're in love with Rachel?"

Shocked and taken aback, Quinn answered before she could even have a chance

"I think so"

The vulnerable girl expected a laugh, a shocked expression at the least. Instead, Brittany merely nodded pensively before focusing her attention on looking down into the depth of the cereal box whilst speaking.

"You know, I could have told you that a long time ago, if you'd wanted. But San told me not to, she said you had to figure it out by yourself"

"What?"

Quinn walked over, joining Brittany on sitting on the desk. Brittany simply shrugged a shoulder.

"San said you're like us, that you like girls. But she said you're too crushed lemon to notice"

"…I think she meant pressed, Brit"

"Right, and we'd notice how you'd smile while Rachel was singing and stuff. I like Rachel, her sweaters make my eyes happy"

"Brittany… I'd appreciate it if this could just stay between us, okay? I still need time to figure what all this means; even if you already knew, it's news to me, okay?"

The cheerleader nodded so fiercely her ponytail bobbed.

"Oh, I totally get it. Only Lord Tubbington knew about Santana and me, and that's only cause he likes to watch"

"Right," was all the other blonde could respond with before she jumped up, straightening out her skirt. Offering a small smile to Brittany, she made her way to the door to leave.

Leave she would have, if not for a pissed off Latina pushing the door open, missing Quinn's face by inches. Santana stood before her, one hand clutching her cell phone and the other banishing a finger in Quinn's direction.

"You told Britt before you told me?! What the hell, Fabray?"

"Brittany, you told me you wouldn't tell anyone! And how in the world did you text her so fast?"

"Oh, but it's Santana, she doesn't count. Besides, Santana always says I have really magic fingers"

Silence.

Clearing her throat, Santana couldn't suppress the smile that tugged at her lips.

"Though I have to say, about damn time"

And before Quinn could object, she was in her friend's arms.

A long, electric note shot through the room, the noise reverberating off the walls to land heavily on ready ears. Hands extended by her sides, mouth open, head tilted every so slightly back. Rachel, knee high socks and sweater clad, stood in the center of the stage and did what she did best-

Amaze.

And amazed Quinn was, much to the amusement of Santana and Brittany. Towards the back, giggles and side eyes abounding. The blonde under the microscope tried her best to keep a relaxed exterior – to appear a passive yet understandably impressed observer- yet could feel herself heating up under her friends laser focus. It was an undeniable joy, however, to watch Rachel perform, and Quinn rationalized that this wasn't a romantic preference- it was fact. Rachel was mesmerizing, captivating and breathtaking.

It was almost enough to get Quinn to forget that these were the walls that had displayed pictures of the dead. Their haunting smiles looking over the crowd. The seating where hundreds clung to each other as they learnt the identity of the undefined ghost of a student who had taken their friends lives. Twenty-three lives. The stairs that Quinn had ascended, thunderous claps and lightning camera flashes fueling her storm. The stage where Finn had proposed to Rachel…

Her stomach dropped.

How had she not thought of that? The blonde's stomach twisted painfully, almost enough to make her reach and gag. She had been too focused on the fact that she liked Rachel, a girl; too blind to see that she had feelings for Rachel, the girlfriend of a dead boyfriend. Finn. The life stripped away too young, a life taken in exchange for her own, leaving in a flash of screams, tears, whispered pleads. And blood, so much blood, thick and splattered, gurgling in his throat, coating her damned hands…

She couldn't breathe. There was no air. Her lungs wouldn't work. Maybe she was dying. She was definitely dying.

Quinn ran from the auditorium, sprinted through the halls and burst out the front doors, fell to her knees in the grass, and proceeded to be sick.

But someone was right behind her, holding her hair back with one hand as the other large, solid hand rubbed her back.

"Just breathe through it. In through the nose, out through the mouth", advised Puck.

Her body was still shaking, but once Quinn closed her eyes and focused on controlling the regularity of each breath, within ten minutes she was able to stand up and present herself to the mohawked boy.

"Here", Puck mumbled, digging through his jacket pocket.

"Eat this, it helps"

Extended before Quinn was the twisted, half eaten remains of a Twix.

Unable to turn down the offer of kindness, the blonde took the chocolate and quickly shoved it into her mouth. Surprisingly, the chocolate did help, although she wasn't sure if just having something in her stomach was responsible in itself for absorbing her nerves.

"Thanks, Puck. I-"

"Quinn!"

Rachel came bounding down the entry stairs, leaping down the last few steps in her haste and landing awkwardly. Never the less, the brunette rushed to Quinn's side, eyes wide and filled with concern.

"Are you okay? What happened?", Rachel asked, as she gently guided Quinn to sit down on the cool grass.

"It was nothing…I just got a little overwhelmed, I guess", Quinn replied lamely, watching Rachel neatly tuck in her skirt as she sat down beside her. Noah threw himself on the ground in front of them.

"I've been thinking…", Rachel started.

"Oh boy", Quinn and Puck replied in unison.

Ignoring the shared grins, Rachel continued.

"I've been thinking maybe I want to do some counseling. Nothing serious, just someone to talk to about what happened and how things are going, you know? But…I'm scared. I was thinking it might be better to have someone else there…someone who understands…."

Quinn stared blankly at Rachel while she trailed her sentence, which was accompanied only by Puck's ferocious nodding.

"That's a great idea, Rachel. You and Quinn should totally do that"

"What?! No, it's not something I think I'd want to-"

"Oh, man up Fabray. Rachel needs you, and it's the least you could do"

"Well, actually I was thinking you could come too, Noah"

Puck's mouth slammed shut.

Grinning, Quinn extended her hand so that it laid on top of the boys, and used her well-practiced condescending voice.

"I suppose you're right, Noah. It's only right for us to 'man up' and help out our dear friend"

Rolling his eyes and mumbling what sounded like a few profanities, Puck heaved himself from the ground and shook off his jeans. The two girls simply looked up at him, eagerly awaiting a response.

"Fine. I'll see you ladies at the shrink then"

With that, Puck slunk away, resembling (almost pitifully) a scolded child.

Quinn laughed, watching Puck slip back indoors before turning to Rachel. She was stunned to find Rachel smiling widely, eyes lit from laughter and the stray rays of sunlight that illuminated her face.

"We should probably get back"

Rachel stood and offered a hand to Quinn. It should have been a simple gesture, but to a girl who was already in an emotional state, recently came to terms with her own sexuality and finally admitted her feelings for the very girl standing in front of her, well.

Quinn took the hand quickly.

Rachel smiled to herself as she walked alongside the blonde, back into the auditorium. Who were those naysayers who thought she wasn't cunning? She'd love for them to see her now, making puppets dance. It was, she reasoned, for a good cause though.

Quinn and Puck really did need help.


	14. Chapter 14

"Quinn, are you going to open the door?"

Gritting her teeth, the blonde finally forced herself to turn the knob, open the door, and enter the waiting room of Rachel's psychologist. The room itself was some bizarre mix of warm and cold, coolly professional and cozily homey. Or, Quinn reminded herself, it may well be the standard of home decorations she had been bought up to understand as homey; black and white photographs of beaches, clear glass vases with white flowers, white washed walls. The snort that emitted from behind her let Quinn know Puckerman clearly didn't approve. Despite his audible objections, the mohawked boy slunk over to the seating area, throwing his feet on the table loudly. Like a mother, Rachel first frowned at her friend, before turning and mouthing 'sorry' to the receptionist, who simply shrugged and provided a small smile in return.

Taking a seat next to Noah, Quinn found she was no longer surprised when Rachel quickly sat beside her. She was, however, caught off guard by the sensation of Rachel's hands resting on her thigh. The brunette rubbed small circles with her thumb into the blonde's knee, the movement changing pressure with every circle. It seemed to be Rachel's way of distracting herself, as she was clearly on edge, scanning the room while her own legs jittered beneath her; not that Quinn minded, of course. The soft sensation of the brunette's hand on her bare leg was like fire and ice at once, exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Despite this, the taller girl felt her heart flutter sympathetically at the thought of Rachel being nervous. Not really knowing what else to do, Quinn simply placed her hand over Rachel's. It was amazing, the way their hands fit together. Long slender fingers found their way into the gaps of the others, sliding perfectly into place. She didn't have to look at Rachel to know she was smiling, that slight smile the brunette reserved only for Quinn.

"Noah Puckerman?"

A taller, dark skinned man stood in the doorway, a single piece of paper held in his hands.

"What, just me?" was Noah's response, head swiveling around to look to Rachel.

"I thought you might be able to talk more easily if you went in on your own, Noah. If not, I'm more than happy to go with you."

The mohawked boy seemed to consider his options. Quinn could tell Noah hadn't planned on taking this seriously, but the opportunity to talk alone to someone who just had to listen, without judgment, would be good for him. The football player seemed to come to the same conclusion as he slunk out of his chair, shrugging a shoulder as he did so.

"Nuh, I'm fine. See you ladies on the other side."

The doctor ushered him behind closed doors, but not before the blonde heard something to do with 'I'm not gonna stare at blobs, doc.'

Quinn grinned, turning her attention back to her hand on Rachel's hand on her knee. This shouldn't feel as good as it did, she knew that, but that didn't stop her from enjoying it. As if hearing her thoughts, Rachel shuffled closer and lay her head on Quinn's shoulder, the brunette's soft brown hair tickling as it lightly fanned across the sensitive skin of her shoulder. Quinn relaxed into her seat, closing her eyes while pressing her cheek against the top of her friend's head. Had Rachel's shampoo always smelt this good? As always, the soft wash of strawberries wafted over her, and never before had Quinn felt as intoxicated as when she was around that smell, the way her mind buzzed and span and the stupid smile she couldn't prevent from tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Miss Fabray-Berry?"

Quinn hummed to herself. Fabray-Berry, she liked the sound of that. Faberry.

Oh.

"My apologies, Dr. Jansen, but the appointment is actually for two people. Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry?" said a rather embarrassed looking Rachel. Quinn could have sworn she saw the beginnings of Rachel's ears turning a startling pink.

"Right, sorry girls. Come right in," smiled back a red headed woman, ushering them into the room with the sweep of a hand.

Taking a seat, Quinn had never felt the way she felt right now. All at once the crushing insecurity of the mere idea of opening up and letting out all she had been working so hard to keep inside came together with the relief her very bones felt at the idea of sheading this weight would be a godsend. Two large, plush armchairs faced another of the same description, leaving Rachel to sit beside her while Dr. Jansen sat right in front of them.

"So, Miss Fabray. As I understand it, you have been through some trauma?"

Quinn bit her bottom lip. Rachel could do the talking, she always could.

Instead, she felt Rachel's warmly intense gaze resting on her. Looking to her friend, Quinn raised an eyebrow, motioning with her head for the brunette to answer the question.

"Quinn, this is your appointment. Your time. I'm only here for moral support and, to be quite honest, I knew you'd need someone to push you to answer Dr. Jansen's questions."

Reluctant, with her pride somewhat wounded, Quinn answered the question. And so it continued for the next forty-five minutes, and with every question, the blonde could feel her mask slipping further and further. This would be uncomfortable enough, but the experience was made all the more difficult with Rachel sitting beside her. Undoubtedly the girl had her best interest in heart, and she really did appreciate it. That knowledge, however, didn't make it easier to voice her fears, nightmares and low points, though it did help her ease sharp pain in her heart that until now had gone untreated.

"We do only have a short time left, so if you don't mind, Miss Berry, would you mind waiting outside while Quinn and I wrap things up here?"

Though she did her best to hide it, there was no denying the flash of surprise and reluctance that danced across Rachel's face. It was sweet, that Rachel wanted to be there with her, but Quinn secretly appreciated the doctor's suggestion. There were some things, many things, that she would rather Rachel not hear. With a small nod and a quick shoulder squeeze to Quinn, the brunette snuck out of the room.

"Quinn, let me know if I'm totally wrong here, but I can't help but feel there was a lot you were holding back. I normally don't have non-family members sit in on sessions, but your friend Rachel made quite the convincing case. You've always been a bit reserved with your feelings? She suggested you come from quite an emotionally stunting, even abusive, household."

The doctor sounded concerned, pen poised above the paper. Despite it clearly being her job to care… Quinn could tell this woman really did care, and she really would listen. Maybe even help if she could. And that was certainly what the blonde needed now.

No sooner had Quinn opened her mouth to respond, a large crash and bang rattled the walls of the room. The blonde flung herself across the room, tackling the skinny redhead before her to the ground.

Then nothing.

Her cheeks had reddened before she even consciously noted her embarrassment. Detangling herself from long limbs and a white coat, Quinn offered her hand to her doctor and helped her to her feet.

"_Fuck_ this, and fuck you!"

The anger in Noah's voice was unfortunately familiar. The curses were followed by even more loud rattles, finalized by a door slam.

Silence.

"Well, Quinn… I'm sure you won't be surprised that your heroic actions will go noted by myself. Clearly, we have a lot to talk about. For now, though, I think your boyfriend needs you."

The snort was warranted.

"Noah? Puck? My boyfriend? He's… no… I mean… I'm not… I don't…" Quinn stumbled, choosing to instead pause, gather her thoughts, and offer the perfect pageant-winning smile that came to her so easily now.

"Noah Puckerman isn't my boyfriend, Dr. Jansen. That's actually something I'd like to get the opportunity to speak to you about next time."

The doctor broke into a sudden smile.

"So there will be a next time?"

She nodded as she walked to the door, calling over her shoulder as she exited the room.

"Yes, doc. See you next time."

Quinn hadn't been surprised to learn that Noah had stormed off, without saying a word to Rachel ("How could he, he knows how much I worry!"). All her years of experience dealing with the often moody boy allowed her to understand that Puck needed his cooling off time, which mostly involved a combination of throwing dirt into pools or eating his weight in Twinkies while watching '_Schindlers List'._ So she gave him a few hours to finish the movie, dropped Rachel back home, returned to her empty home, kicked off her shoes and dialed her baby's father's number (of course, on speed dial).

"What."

"Puckerman, have I ever let you know that your manners are your most charming feature?"

"Look, Fabray, if this is about-"

"You know what this is about. I know it was hard, but it was hard on all of us, Noah! Poor Rachel was practically in tears after you-"

"I'm not going back to that place, those dickwads are idiots."

"Rachel really wanted-"

"'Rachel', 'Rachel', 'Rachel'…"

Quinn sighed, flopping backwards onto her bed.

"Do you have a point, Puckerman?"

"Look, I'm sorry, I like Rachel. I do. But I'm not gonna have some dude talk to me like he knows what's going on in my head."

"We all went through the same thing, Puck. I know how hard this-"

"No. No you don't. Don't fucking tell me you know how hard this is."

The anger and spite in his voice caught Quinn off guard. Hackles raised, she sat up on her bed to fire back on the defensive.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were the only person in that corridor that day."

"Shut up, Fabray, you don't know what you're talking about."

"Awww, was it extra hard on you? Were you the one who held Chang's head in her lap? Had your hands over Finn's throat?"

"Don't you say his name!"

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Noah?!"

"Because of _me_ he's dead!"

Silence.

More silence.

Quiet voices now.

"What?"

The change from roaring anger to a voice struggling, wavering, made a chill run through the ex-cheerleader's bones.

"I saw the gun. I saw the gun, Quinn, and I freaked. I hid behind the lockers as soon as I saw him. Some guy had a gun pointed at my best friend's throat and I pussied out."

"Noah…I don't know what to say."

"Don't."

"No, really, you have to know it's not your fa-"

Dial tone. He'd hung up on her.

Quinn allowed her body to fall back onto the bed, staring unblinking up to her roof. After all this time, she realized she'd never really talked to anyone else about what they had experienced that day. Maybe a little with Rachel, but even then, it was all surface talk. There was no way Quinn could have known her friend was carrying around that kind of baggage. Noah Puckerman, football player and badass extraordinaire, when faced with a serious threat… hid. It wasn't cowardice in her eyes; after all, none of them had the chance to see what was happening until it was too late. There was no way of knowing if they would have done the same. Though she doubted any of that would have been any consolation to the boy. It did, however, explain why he'd stormed out of the appointment earlier today. The doctor was probably edging closer and closer to a point Puck really wasn't ready to accept.

The girl rolled over onto her side, phone in hand, and did the only thing she knew how to do when it got too much. She reached out to Rachel, using the two words that had come to summarize all that had been and all that would, in the selfish attempt to quell her pain by knowing someone else was hurting, too.

Q: 'It hurts'

It only took a few seconds for her phone to buzz to life with the reply.

R: 'It hurts'

"It hurts," Quinn mouthed, so as if to remember.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Okay, so hopefully you're all still enjoying the story **** I'll be developing longer chapters as we go along, though I can't promise they'll ever be above the 4,000 word mark. I have to to say I've been really struggling writing this story. It may sound silly, but writing a story in which a school shooting occurs, and in which Finn dies, really put me off. I was deeply saddened by the news of Cory's passing, as was my girlfriend. I'd like to take this chance to pay my respects to a kind hearted man who left us far too soon.**

Quinn smiled as 'I feel pretty' played on her phone. It was, of course, Rachel calling her. After yesterdays rather disastrous counseling appointment, followed by Noah's heart wrenching confession, the blonde had felt severely emotionally drained. However, after texting Rachel her simple message, the conversation rapidly snowballed to the point where they had texted for hours, until Quinn had to admit defeat and crawl into bed. Now, mere hours later, she'd awoken to the song that meant one thing and one thing only. Rachel.

Quickly sitting up and flattening down her messy bed hair (heaven knows why, it was only a phone call), the ex cheerleader grabbed her phone and answered with her polite Fabray greeting, despite knowing who was on the other end.

"Good morning, Quinn Fabray speaking. Who may I ask is calling?", she chirped, grin already plastered over her face.

"Why hello Quinn, it's Rachel Berry calling. I was calling to enquire if I may have the pleasure of your company this fine day", was the response, and the blonde could tell by the mere sound of the girls voice that she was smiling just as widely. Her heart swelled.

"And why's that, Rach?", she answered, dropping both the formal act and her body, flopping down on the bed to stare at her ceiling.

"Well, clearly I'm the brains in this partnership. Don't you remember? We've got a song assignment to do, and this time I'm not letting you just run out. We've got to perform it soon, Quinn!"

Oh.

Quinn grumbled in response.

"Quinn!", Rachel whined.

"Fine, fine! I'll be over there soon, Rachel", the blonde sighed, despite the smile on her face.

The line went dead, and Quinn rolled out of bed. She wasn't exactly unhappy to be spending time with Rachel, but the idea of singing that song again, that song that was all too close to the truth, the one that forced her to face her feelings head on, wasn't the most pleasant way she'd envisioned spending her Sunday. Still, at least she'd be with the girl who seemed to understand her better than anyone else, who had captured her spirit and mind, the girl of fleeting reserved smiles and angelically soft skin.

Something shifted inside Quinn's heart, giving her a temporary surge of courage. Surely Rachel had to feel the same way… the way she constantly found a reason to touch her, the way she smiled… it couldn't be coincidence. Even so, maybe Rachel was struggling with her feelings the same way Quinn was, and if she knew Quinn felt the same way, who knew what could happen? Luck only happened to the brave, right? With her newfound determinism, the blonde leapt over to the desk, grabbing her journal and tearing out a page. This would be great. Rachel and herself could be something great. All she had to do was fully convey her feelings on a piece of paper.

Easy.

Twenty minutes later, Quinn remained hunched over the blank lines before her, pen still poised in a tight grip. This wasn't working. Every time she thought she had the words, they just weren't right. They weren't elegant enough, sincere enough, to be read by the petite brunette. She needed something that would make Rachel feel the same.

And then the words came to her.

_I never thought my happiness would depend on you._

_That was before you came into my life in a way I have only read about. I've seen love portrayed in film and stories, but never felt it before. I'd never expected it to come from you; but now that it has, I can't imagine life without it. You've been my source of strength when I've never felt weaker, held me up when it became impossible to stand on my own. I guess that's what you need to know first._

_I can't believe I'd never noticed it. You had the most reason to hate me out of everyone, yet it was always you that came to my rescue. Whenever I thought I was alone, lost, you were there by my side to guide me through. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how thankful I am._

_So, this is it._ _This is be being brave. This is me standing up and fighting for something I want, something that makes me happy and God, do you make me happy, Rachel. You've got a smile that makes the sun jealous; it warms people's hearts that much._

_So you need to know that I love you in a big way. A way that makes me want to be silly with you. A way that makes me want to dance, to spin, to finger paint, to sing, to scream into an endless abyss, because that's exactly what my love for you is like._

_It's strong and silly and dizzy. It's messy and loud and endless. But all you really need to know is that I love you, Rachel._

_And if you'd let me, I'd like to be yours forever._

When Quinn knocked on the door, she took a moment to prepare herself. To be fair, she'd only encountered the Berry men's hospitality once, but it was definitely an experience that had left her with the knowledge that, next time, it was better to prepare ones self for an onslaught of booming voices and compliments. She could feel the envelope inside her dress pocket, the dull weight reminding her of the letter that said everything she could bring herself to say and more. Absently, she reached into the pocket, fiddling with the edges of the paper. It gave her strength, long after the initial adrenaline had dissipated, and the feel and texture of the confession bought the confidence back.

The door swung open quickly, surprising Quinn. Before her stood an incredibly beautiful Rachel Berry, bearing the smile that was reserved just for Quinn. Though the blonde would naturally argue that the girl before her possessed a natural beauty always, this was different. The sides of her hair were tied back into a thin braid, the rest of it pooling over her shoulders laid bare by the yellow sundress. Soft natural makeup highlighted her features, while sun kissed skin glowed in the afternoon sunlight. She was, in short, the most beautiful thing Quinn had ever seen.

Which perhaps explains why her jaw had literally dropped, staring unashamedly at what was surely an angel. Only the slightly awkward laughter snapped her out of it, blinking to force her eyes to focus back on Rachel, whose 'Quinn smile' had become unsure, waving a hand in front of her eyes.

"Earth to Quinn! Goodness, I'd thought I'd lost you there. Sorry about the wait, I'd forgotten my dads were out of town."

"Wait, your dads are out?" Quinn replied a little too quickly, wishing she could catch her words as they flew from her mouth. Seeing Rachel like this was throwing her off more than she'd anticipated.

The brunette's eyebrow rose even further as she stepped aside, motioning for Quinn to enter the home.

"Yes, they're out of town for a conference for a while, is that okay?"

Immediately Quinn could feel her cheeks redden, embarrassed by her carelessness. She quickly made herself comfortable, looking anywhere but to Rachel. The smaller girl hurriedly gathered some papers from a recliner, organising them noisily before clearing her throat.

"Alright, so, last time we sung a simple walk through of the song. Now we really need to work on how our voices work together and how we want to arrange it, as well as conveying our chemistry-"

"Chemistry?" Quinn shot out.

"Right, how we move together, the strength of feelings we can convey. I'd say we have quite strong chemistry naturally, but it's still something imperative to the performance."

Right.

Rachel thrust the sheet music towards Quinn, tidying up her own copy neatly. The blonde took it as a sign that they were about to start, and stood in response. The envelope in her pocket jostled, sending a shock of adrenaline throughout he body.

Scenarios played out before her eyes. Rachel scanning the letter, seeing her eyes growing bigger with every word. A faint smile etched across her face as she looks up to lock eyes with the blonde. A shy Rachel shuffling closer along the sofa, leaning forward, bringing her face closer and closer until Quinn could smell the peppermint on her breath, feel the brush of the other girl's eyelashes as her eyes flicker closed…

"Quinn, you start, remember?"

The words snapped her back to reality, her mind allowing her ears to process the fact that the music had already began. Her voice was rough as she started, but after the first few lines she found her voice, singing softly while looking at Rachel.

"_The dawn is breaking  
>A light shining through<br>You're barely waking  
>And I'm tangled up in you"<em>

Rachel, however, seemed to be making a conscious effort not to look at Quinn. Or rather, not look at anything other than the piece of paper she clung to in her hands. She took her part, singing quickly and ahead of the music, her voice shaking noticeably.

"_I'm open, you're closed_

_Where I follow, you'll go_

_I worry I won't see your face_

_Light up again"_

The last word was barely out of her mouth before Rachel's bottom lip gave way, quivering as an earthshattering loud sob escaped her. And that was all it took before tears welled in her eyes, quickly streaming down her face as her tiny body shook fiercely, sobbing, whimpering, still clutching the piece of paper with both hands.

Quinn's body reacted on instinct, immediately closing the gap between them to embrace Rachel in a hug. One arm wrapped itself around the smaller girls waist, bringing her body tightly against her own, while the other gently combed through dark brown locks. Quinn soothingly hummed, the occasional 'shhh, it's okay' whispered among them, as Rachel rested her head against the taller girl's chest. And so they stayed, clinging to each other as they rode out the hard sobs, the blonde casting a spell over them with whispered promises and calming hymns.

After a while, once the heavy breaths and body shaking had subsided, Quinn gently untangled herself from the distressed girl, leading her over to the sofa. Rachel collapsed into her, resting her head on the blonde's shoulder, unwilling or unable to let go of the other girl's hand. Silence blanketed them, the brunette's sniffles the only audible sound throughout the entire house. Then-

"How am I supposed to love someone when they can't love me back?"

Quinn's heart skipped a beat.

"W-what?"

"How…" Rachel started, tears springing to her eyes once again.

"How am I supposed to get up every day, knowing he's not here? I loved him, and now he's gone, and I love him so much and it d-doesn't mean a-a-anything a-anymore…"

And Rachel was back bawling, burying her face into the crook of Quinn's neck.

And Quinn had never in her life felt more disgusted with herself. Her heart sank, but she couldn't allow herself to feel the disappointment above the bitterness in the back of her throat. She felt physically ill.

"I love him so much," Rachel whispered.

"I love him so, so much. And I thought I was okay, but I'm not. I can't sing without him. I can't be happy without him, because it's not fair. It's not fair that he will never get to feel anything anymore. There are these few seconds in the morning when I wake up, thinking I'm going to see him, and then it hits me. And it doesn't stop, it doesn't."

"It hurts," Rachel whispered, her voice laced with pain.

"It hurts," Quinn replied, grasping the girls hand tightly and pulling her closer.

Because if Quinn was to be honest, she was hurting too.

Because nothing had ever felt as heavy as the letter that sat in her dress pocket.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hi again all. I just wanted to say a quick thank you for all of the lovely reviews you guys have taken the time to write. They really do inspire me to write more of this story! So I promise, the more you kick me up the butt to keep writing, the more frequently I will. Hope you guys enjoy the drama and some lovely Faberry angst! **

"Come in!"

Quinn hesitated before entering the room, her mind racing in an attempt to hastily rationalize the decision she was about to put into action. She just needed to come up with an excuse, any excuse, for Mr. Schue to let her out of this damn glee assignment. Though while her sudden nerves jostled through her veins, the ache in her heart at the thought of holding Rachel that one night was enough to cause her to become determined once more. The assignment might be a small part of her… increasingly complex relationship with Rachel, but it certainly was the one giving her the most grief. The lyrics themselves were far too similar to what Quinn truly felt, and it took a little piece of her heart away each time she sang the words, pleading that they would be understood, only to be critiqued on her pitch. That pain was magnified the night Quinn had arrived with her longing words in her pocket. Holding Rachel was perhaps what she would have initially called a good night, but never in the way that it was spent.

Long after their sacred words were shared, Rachel remained heavily buried in grief. The night dissolved into a timetable; the brunette would cry over Finn, Quinn would hold her, which would cause Rachel to burst into tears even more, confess more dark secrets of the thoughts and visions that haunted her at night, and eventually recover enough to repeat the process. Eventually the constant outpour took its toll on Rachel, who fell asleep with her head resting in Quinn's lap. The blonde combed her fingers through dark locks, standing steady against the waves of pain that relentlessly crashed against her. The note in her dress pocket essentially burned into her side, branding her for what she was. The disgust she felt at herself for even feeling this way about Rachel in the first place was now joined by the fact that she hadn't even considered how wrong it was, even without the church involvement. It was horrid that she felt this way about a girl; let alone a girl whose boyfriend she had watched die. Who she had lead through a battlefield and betrayed. All through this inner turmoil, she continued to gently comb her friend's hair, as if every brush could remove some of the agony within Rachel's heart, or maybe her own. They had stayed like this for many hours, exactly how many neither of them knew; but by the time the sleeping girl woke, her best friend was still there.

The image of that equal parts sleepy and sheepish smile would become something Quinn Fabray would never forget.

But it was exactly that smile that bought her to stand in front of Mr. Schue's office. Or, more specifically, the honest fact that that smile had stolen her heart.

The ex-cheerleader entered the room, her teacher poised in his chair. Endless papers caked his desk to the point where it had become impossible to distinguish the color of the desk itself. Light green eyes flickered across some of the text just before the man hastily gathered them up: "School Counselor's Glee Club Post-Incident: Teacher Assessment", "Coping Strategies" and a small yellow pamphlet that read "Gunning down guilt: Guns kill people."

"Hey, Quinn, nice seeing you. How are you doing?" The curly headed teacher asked, the question laced with such pity and concern it made the blonde's stomach turn. She had forgotten how Will treated her now, handling her with gloves as though at any minute, she may break.

"Thanks, Mr. Schue, I'm actually here to talk to you about something…"

"Anything, anything at all, Quinn," her teacher replied quickly, sitting up straighter and motioning for her to sit down.

The blonde moved over slowly, taking in the room for the first time. It had changed a lot since her last visit; there was enough paperwork to threaten an avalanche, self help books threatened to outnumber books of musical numbers and all time great glee teachers, and pictures of the fallen students were framed in beautiful red wood, with a golden plaque under each photo. She couldn't help but notice, unlike the rest of the room, these pictures were impeccably cared for. Unsurprisingly, Mike and Finn were featured twice, with their own large split frame underneath the line. In the first panel was a picture of Mike teaching Will a dance move, both men alive with joy as smiles burst from their faces. The third panel featured a quick snap, featuring Finn embracing his teacher in a bear hug backstage, apparently after regionals. Sandwiched between these two images was a simply white page with large black text.

_You owe it to them. _

"What can I help you with?"

Quinn took her seat, eyes down at her hands as she blinked back the tears that now threatened to fall. She wasn't sure when the day would come that she would able to look at a picture of those fallen without a reaction, but she feared that day all the same. She couldn't be crying when she told her teacher the reason she had come here today, it would cause too many questions. So, taking a deep breath, she composed herself before looking back up to the man across the table.

"I came here to say I can't do the assignment with Rachel."

There was hurt in her voice, noticeable enough to make the blonde's stomach twist further into knots. The last thing she needed was Will to bug her as to why she was abandoning his golden star.

"I thought that was why you were here," Mr. Schue replied with a sigh.

What? How did he know? If someone as clueless as her glee teacher could guess her feelings for the small beauty, then who else knew? Had Brittany been telling people? Before Quinn fully curse herself for telling her blabbermouth of a friend, the curly headed man continued.

"I mean, I was hesitant about putting you in the assignment in the first place. It's been months since… since it happened. And I thought this would be a good way of keeping you guys talking and together while we stopped actual Glee practices for a bit, you know? Like by the time we all regrouped for the assignment, we could sing it out and get past it together."

"But I see you struggling, Quinn. More so than anyone else. Of course you have every right to feel how you do. God knows I feel responsible myself for what happened."

Oh, right. While it might be morally questionable to exploit her teacher's feelings over the events that occurred in order to get out of the project, at this point Quinn really didn't care. After all, everything Mr. Schue was saying was right, it just wasn't exactly the main reason she needed this done. So, in response, she simply nodded.

"It's okay, Quinn. You don't need to do anything you're not comfortable with, but can I suggest one thing?" he asked, as he stood from his chair.

The blonde nodded again in response, causing her teacher to walk around the desk and place a hand gently on her shoulder, looking down at her with eyes shimmering with concern.

"Keep talking to Rachel. I think she's good for you, but if I'm being honest, I think you're even better for her. She needs someone like you to let her see that she's still being strong despite hurting so much. Showing her that there isn't weakness in pain. Simply being a friend to her has helped her more than you can even imagine."

The student simply nodded once more, a motion she was quickly learning appeased her teacher. With that, she stood up, the man's hand still on her shoulder. He then pulled her into a tight hug.

Quinn pondered, not for the first time, of the appropriateness her teacher displayed towards his students despite his good intentions. But with that, she was dismissed, returning to the bustling corridors filled with energetic chatter and bustling students. As Quinn made her way to class and maneuvered through the mass of her peers, she couldn't help but feel like even after all these months, she was still hopelessly struggling to swim up river.

Quinn spent the rest of the day floating through school like a ghost. Present but not really, her mind was constantly distracted with thoughts that couldn't be further from her schoolwork. Even once she had returned home, she simply laid down on her bed and stared at the ceiling, allowing her mind to process everything that was flooding through it. Now that she had finally broken free of the project, she really didn't have an excuse to be spending so much time with Rachel, outside of the fact that the pair had developed the foundations of a friendship. Was she really willing to take a sledgehammer to that just to save her own skin? The glee teacher's words had haunted her all day… the idea that maybe Rachel needed Quinn as badly as she needed the brunette was, frankly, terrifying.

The only thing more terrifying was the idea of being gay. It had taken the last month for Quinn to truly come to terms with what it meant within herself, but now as she lay on the cool sheets of her bed, she began to think about the wider ramifications of the revelation. Would she still be respected in school? Would she be welcomed at church? Those news reporters who had snapped her picture and shoved microphones in her face an attempt to get the exclusive on the 'brave girl of McKinley'… would they get wind of it and come back for more? Her family. Quinn doubted her mother would truly care, she'd probably just make a few throwaway things that she felt obligated to say about 'sin' and 'betrayal' and 'what will people think.' Her father, on the other hand, the man who'd miraculously shown up on their doorstep after seeing his baby girl plastered all over the news, was the larger concern.

Was it then worth it to even bring it up? After all… Quinn really wasn't sure how she felt, if she was being totally honest. Maybe she just appreciated the friendship and company Rachel provided. Would she feel this way about all girls? Or was it only the girl that haunted her dreams, who would float over her bed with skin so soft it felt like silk and a voice just as smooth. Whose lips would come close enough to hers, small breaths that would brushing against the skin of her neck, whose hands would roam the winding contours of her body like she had lived there her whole life…

Okay, so maybe it _wasn't_ just friendship.

With Quinn now feeling distinctly flustered, the doorbell rang. Knowing her parents' policy on answering the door (they have better things to do), Quinn forced herself to roll off the bed and jog down the stairs, straightening her hair out before answering.

"Welcome to th-" is all she got out before realizing who was standing there.

Rachel stood before her. Panic flooded Quinn's mind for two reasons, one being totally unreasonable and the other based in truth. On one hand, Quinn irrationally thought perhaps Rachel knew what she was just thinking, which in turn caused the blonde to blush. Hard. Though she didn't have time to fret about being bright pink in front of the smaller girl, because she had the real reason of fear to deal with. Her parents _could not_ see Rachel Berry was at their doorstep, let alone in their home.

Quinn reached out and grabbed the singer's hand, and before she could object, pulled the singer over the threshold and closed the door in one swift movement. She led the brunette upstairs and into her room quickly, slamming the door a little too loudly behind her.

"Quinn, what, I…" Rachel stammered, clearly dumbfounded by the turn of events.

"Are you completely out of your mind?" Quinn hissed in return, dropping the girl's hand and taking a step back. "You know how my parents feel about your family. If they knew you were here…"

"Well clearly they don't, I think we've established that," the brunette replied curtly, more than a little hurt in her voice.

"I had thought it best to come by and sort out todays events in person. Mr. Schuester has informed me that you no longer wish to be my partner in the Glee assignment. I was hoping you could shed some light on that decision for me"

Rachel crossed her arms, and despite her best attempts to present her best acting face, Quinn could easily see the hurt that was behind it.

"I just didn't want to do the song anymore, Rachel…" Quinn replied lamely, walking over to her bed and sitting on the edge.

"And why is that, may I ask? Is it because of what happened last time?"

Rachel couldn't have the closest idea as to the real reason, and Quinn had no clue what she could even say that would satisfy her. Here Rachel was, dressed in her traditional sweater and skirt combination, her eyes aflame with indignant rage, and all Quinn could think about was how much better that sweater would look on the floor.

That thought was the one that broke her, the one that made her stomach twist. She could never be with Rachel, and that meant she couldn't be around her. Not without thinking all these awful, impure thoughts.

"God, Rachel! Have you ever thought that maybe it's because I don't really like you?" Quinn snapped, her voice creeping louder. "I mean, yeah, we got pushed together through this shitty thing that happened, but it's over now. We need to move on!"

Rachel's eyes were wide at this point, the flickering anger now replaced with tears that threatened to fall at any point. But Quinn persisted. She needed to go for the jugular.

"I mean, what, you think hanging out with me all of a sudden means we're friends? Get a clue, Berry. I felt bad for you because your boyfriend died, but that doesn't mean I have to put my name on that little collar around your neck and carry you around with me!"

She was shouting at this point. Rachel had taken a few steps back, her lips slightly parted in shock; but at the mention Finn, all hell broke loose. Her lip gave way as tears poured down her face, though no sobs came. Rachel cried silently, doing nothing but staring at Quinn.

"I thought you were m-my friend. I thought…" Rachel whispered, eyes glued to Quinn's own.

A stab of pain rushed through the blonde girl's heart. She had to do this. She wasn't going to lie to herself and say that she was doing it to protect Rachel; she was doing it to protect herself.

"Well you thought wrong," Quinn all but growled.

With one last look of pure betrayal, Rachel span around and ran for the door. It took all of four seconds before Quinn could hear the front door slam, and it was only then that she allowed herself to feel. She bought her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead upon them.

And she began to cry.

Only a few minutes passed before Quinn lifted her head in an attempt to wipe her face, and it was only then she noticed her father standing in the doorway.

"Quinn, please explain to me why that filthy queer spawn Berry was in my house, and why both of you two are blubbering."

Oh.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So, I discovered that this story has been going for two years now. On the one hand, I'm sorry (and this chapter I hope totally makes up for it), and on the other… it's my two-year anniversary with the girl who prompted this and is sitting in bed beside me after editing my horrendous spelling and grammar. A big 'I love you' to both her and YOU for sticking with me for these two years. **

Quinn winced as she placed the cold compress against her inflamed cheek. There was no excuse she could give to her father for Rachel being in his home that would appease him, so instead she simply said she was having a friend over. He didn't appreciate the remark, clearly, because he promptly slapped her. The blonde was glad, really, because it meant that the conversation was over. And it was. He didn't press her for any more details, and instead simply left the room after warning his daughter that next time, she won't get off so easily. Naturally, Judy slinked in moments later, her eyes downcast and focused on the carpet in an attempt to avoid looking at her damaged daughter. She offered the cool wet face wash and ice water.

The physical violence was not a new occurrence to Quinn, and if she was being honest she wasn't frightened by it anymore. It hardly fazed her. Instead of lamenting on the pain, she instead simply went about ensuring she could cover it up properly. The moment she looked at herself in the mirror to assess the damage, the events of the hour prior came flooding back to her mind. She had been so cruel to Rachel, who had done nothing but care about her. She was a coward, forcing the girl away before she could get too close. And Rachel's eyes… she had looked so betrayed, so sad, and there was something else in there that Quinn couldn't quite place.

The blonde settled on the fact that this pit in her stomach wasn't going to go anywhere anytime soon. She opened her draw to dig out the kit she kept to disguise such marks to her face. The note she had written to Rachel lay on the top, staring up at her defiantly. It could have been mocking her, reminding the blonde of the words she thought she had been so brave to say. What an idiot she was, to think that she would be capable of committing such bravery and telling the brunette how she really felt. It was almost laughable. Even more laughable was the idea that Rachel would feel the same.

The ex cheerleader carefully picked up the paper, walking backwards to the bed and sitting on the end of it, her mind racing. Rachel- the girl who saved seats for her. Who shuffled closer to her on the sofa. Who held her hand at any chance, and squeezed it back. Who blushed when her fathers talked to the blonde. Who took any chance to be near her. Who smiled only for her.

And suddenly the look in Rachel's eyes when she had denounced their relationship made sense.

Waves of emotion crashed into Quinn, who sat dumbfounded on the edge of her bed, staring at the small piece of paper in her hand. This was it. This courage flowing through her veins, this certainty of mind, this was what she needed to be able to act. She wasn't being hopeful or deluded, she was seeing with clarity for what felt like the first time in months. The blonde gently placed a hand over her chest, feeling the thrill of her heart as it picked up pace. She hadn't been this scared in a long time, and that was saying something. Yet it was the fear of inaction that she feared the most, that despite this knowledge and bravery, she would still not be able to go through with it.

Before she could even entertain the thought of not doing anything, Quinn leapt to her feet and grabbed her keys, stopping quickly to look at herself in the mirror. She adjusted her sundress, fixed up her ruffled hair and hastily covered the mark that marred her face. Then, without hesitation, she ran downstairs and out the door, the booming voice of her father hitting nothing but the closed door.

It was night now, darkness blanketing the streets. The quiet night resembled the one in which Quinn had run through months ago, frantic heart beating in time with bare feet. She had been so sure she'd heard a gun shot, positive that it was Rachel who she had failed to protect this time. But, as is the case with many matters of the heart, it was all in her head. Yet Rachel hadn't turned her away, wordless in her understanding, and took her into her room for the night.

The memory made Quinn gnaw on her bottom lip as she stood on the Berry Residence's doorstep. Would Rachel extend a similar invitation to stay the night in her bed, under a different context? God, no, she couldn't do that. Even if that really was what the brunette wanted… was she even the type of person that did that? But Rachel was Rachel, her beauty and softness and the smell of her shampoo were all so intoxicating…

'Pull yourself together, Fabray!' Quinn hissed to herself.

Maybe she wasn't in the right frame of mind to do this right now. Quinn turned around to walk back to her car. Maybe it was rude, invasive even, to turn up at someone's house in the middle of the night, unannounced. Let alone entering and kissing the occupant. Yes, that was definitely rude.

Wait, was she going to kiss Rachel?

_Stop chickening out and just do it already! _

Quinn turned around to face the door once more.

_Wait, nope, nope. This is a bad idea. Abort mission. _

The blonde turned around and began walking back to the car.

"Quinn?"

The ex cheerleader promptly froze mid step. Gulping, she turned around to face the unknown person, although she knew to whom that voice belonged to. It'd been in her dreams for years.

Rachel was standing in the doorway, looking puzzled, and rightly so. The brunette must have been settling in for sleep, if her pajamas were anything to go by. Loose pink pants dotted with music notes (what else) flowed down her legs, while a tight tank top clung to her torso, revealing far more than Quinn was comfortable with.

The combination of being caught, what she was planning to say, and the revealed curves of the singer's body proved too much for Quinn. She simple gaped, remaining frozen on the spot.

Mercifully, she managed to speak.

"Can I come inside?"

Rachel promptly nodded, stepping aside and ushering Quinn over the threshold. Doubt gnawed at her once more, making her heart beat increasingly faster as she fought her body's desire to flee. She was brave enough to do this, she could do this. All she had to do was look Rachel in the eye, take a deep breath and say-

"Oh my goodness, Quinn…what happened to your face?"

Dark eyes were flickering over her face, highlighting the concern that was written across Rachel's face. The brunette stepped closer and gently cupped the blonde's cheek in her hand, skimming her thumb over the sensitive area of red skin. They were so close now, blanketed in the silence of the night, soft breaths being felt on soft skin. Rachel slowly moved her thumb over the porcelain skin, electricity sparking in the wake of her touch.

"And I'll get a cold facewash for your cheek, and you can get changed into some of my pajamas. You're staying here, I'm not sending you home," Rachel finished, her tone stern yet gentle.

And Quinn let Rachel take care of her.

The few hours Quinn had been in the Berry household had passed quickly. Now dressed in loose purple boxers and white tank top, she sat crossed legged on Rachel's bed and tried to explain the man that was Russell Fabray. Throughout the exchange, Rachel remained quiet, other than the occasional snort or furrowing of her brow. Quinn couldn't blame her. Her father was a man not many would agree with, but whom many would follow. In many ways that mystical power was something she had tried to replicate in her HBIC days; a ruler who gave the illusion of fairness, all the while hiding behind the veiled threats of force. Her father was a man who was burdened with pride, heavy with deceptive knowledge, flawed in his perfection. He was made of contradictions, and Quinn would have almost found it sad if he wasn't so entrenched in his arrogance.

"Anyway, what's done is done," Quinn concluded as she leaned her face further into the cool compress Rachel had provided for her.

There was silence for a while between them; filled only by the soft gentle music the brunette had playing in her room. Despite the relative heaviness of the topic, the silence was light and comfortable. Nothing seemed forced when it came to Rachel, the blonde noted. Everything just seemed to fall into place, leaving the two girls to simply relax with their shared knowledge and experience of each other.

"Let me have a look at you," Rachel mumbled softly, reaching forward to gently pry the facecloth from the blonde's grasp.

Rachel was so close now that Quinn could once again smell the shampoo of her hair, which in turn made her head spin as she vaguely felt the cool cloth slip between in fingers. Dazzling rich brown eyes sparkled with concern, flickering over the blonde's skin. But Quinn couldn't stop staring at the girl's lips. She couldn't get the softness of Rachel's skin out of her mind, couldn't stop losing herself in the intoxicating smell of her shampoo, couldn't rein in her heart from racing away at the proximity of the girl who meant so much to her.

Rachel reached out to once again softly cup Quinn's cheek in her hand. The brunette shifted closer a little, closing the already minimal gap between them.

Quinn leant forward, her eyes jumping up from Rachel's lips to her eyes, searching their depths for any signals. They were so close now that the blonde could feel the singer's warm, hastened breaths against her lips.

Quinn's eyelids fluttered closed.

Her lips brushed softly against Rachel's, so softly they barely touched, yet there was no denying the explosion of emotions that the ex cheerleader experienced. Her head felt lighter than ever before, and she found herself feeling like she had never known time to exist before that kiss. Her heart ached and filled with joy all at once.

Suddenly, the singer's lips were again pressed against hers. With Rachel's hand still on Quinn's cheek, she guided the taller girl deeper into the kiss, her lips moving delicately against the blonde's. Quinn found her hands moving on their own accord, one placed on the small Rachel's back, the other intertwining itself with thick brown locks. She had been kissed before, but never like this. Never before had such a slow and gentle kiss left her lungs breathless and head spinning.

And then something snapped inside of her. Quinn pulled away quickly, jumping off the bed in her haste. Her stomach –previously accommodated by butterflies- now knotted into a twist of guilt and disgust.

"Rach, I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, I just-"

"It's okay, Quinn, it's alright," Rachel whispered, slowly rising from the edge of the bed and extending a hand in comfort.

Quinn backed away, her head shaking absently as her thoughts took off at a million miles an hour. There was so much wrong here. Without knowing what else to do, she turned around and fled from the room. She could hear Rachel crying her name, but it only made her flee down the stairs faster.

She managed to keep herself together right before she entered her car. As soon as she closed the driver's side door, Quinn Fabray come undone. The tears came slowly at first, as did her breaths. Before long both were coming quickly and freely, as the blonde laid her forehead against the steering wheel. Sobs wracked through her fragile frame as she placed her hands together in front of her chest.

She knew it was wrong to love Rachel. She knew it was wrong to have lustful thoughts about another girl. She knew it was wrong to betray Finn. But in that moment of kissing her, all of that had slipped from her mind.

Her lungs screamed in pain from the heaviness of her sobbing as a quiet settled in the car around her. She rocked herself back and forth, her eyes drooping in fatigue. Her bottom lip trembled before words could even be formed.

"D-dear God," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I am so, s-so sorry. Please still love me. Please."

Silence.

"Finn?" she whispered, opening her eyes to look out her car screen window and up into the stormy night sky.

"I am so…I'm sorry. But I love her too."

And with the silence of their replies, Quinn felt truly alone.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: In summary, prepare for the feels. No Faberry interaction, instead we've got Santana, Brittany and Puck. Let's just say, Quinn's got a lot to deal with. We've got some fun on the way for the next chapter, but don't forget to leave a review, I really appreciate them! **

"You what?!"

Santana and Brittany sat before her with slack jaws and round eyes. Quinn should have expected this reaction; after all it was a massive revelation considering she was sure nobody in their trio had even imagined Rachel being capable of reciprocating the blonde's feelings. Well, that wasn't exactly true… since coming out to Santana, the Latina had made many a raunchy comment about just what she thought about Quinn's choice in girl crush. Still, nobody expected this, if Brittany's momentary inability to eat the Lucky Charms that sat limply on her tongue were anything to go by.

"We… kissed."

That seemed to be all the conformation that was needed for her two long-term friends to snap out of their shocked daze. Santana rocked backwards, shaking her head as a smile spread along her lips, while Brittany instead returned her focus to digging around in the cereal box on her lap. The scene was a familiar one, as Quinn once again found herself in an empty classroom, standing in front of her confidants as they sat crossed legged on a desk. She'd waited over a week to confess the recent turn of events to them, as they qualified as both her best friends and the most experienced people she knew in this… particular field. She knew what the next question was going to be; she just wasn't particularly looking forward to answering it.

"So, what happened next?" Santana prompted with a leering smile.

"Well, I kind of left. Ran away, actually."

"Hey, just like last time!" Brittany exclaimed.

Santana gave Quinn a look. Not having been present during Quinn's explanation to Brittany on what happened the night she realized she had feelings for Rachel, the brunette seemed to connect the dots.

"Call me old fashioned, but in my experience 'running away' doesn't exactly get a girl's motor going, Q."

The blonde rolled her eyes. While she was ready to reveal the kiss, she wasn't exactly sure neither girl could understand the emotions that came afterwards. That night, Quinn had spent hours driving around in the rain, her mind unable to rest and stomach unable to stop the churn of guilt. Sure, Santana and Brittany had dealt with their own difficult times in their sexuality and resulting coming outs, but neither had to deal with the complexities of the resulting crisis of faith and a boyfriend who died on their watch. Even if she tried to verbalize the difficulties, she couldn't possibly give justice to the feelings brought about by that kiss.

Because the truth was, from the moment her lips touched Rachel's, she knew it was both the best and the worst thing to happen to her. Never before had a kiss given her that intoxicating head rush, allowing her mind to forget everything she'd ever worried about because all she knew, in that moment, was that this was exactly where she was supposed to be. That realization, however, did come with its challenges.

While she was able to come to terms with her feelings towards Rachel, acting on it was entirely different. Despite her body telling her this was the most natural thing in the world, her mind put up barriers to large they were impossible to overcome. She'd read the Bible verses; she'd attended the services. Homosexuals would not inherit the kingdom of God.

Then there was the issue of Finn, the boy whom Rachel had loved so dearly (and quite possibly still did). Quinn had, after all, been the one to select Finn to join her on their mission to scope out the dangerous halls on that awful day. In her mind, she was just as much responsible as the boy who had pulled the trigger.

Before Quinn could respond to the remark, however, the school bell rang. While it would have been answered with a school wide groan any other day, today it was met with utmost silence; because today, that bell didn't mean the start of the first class.

Instead it signified the beginning of the school day that marked one year since the shooting.

The day was to start off with an assembly in the auditorium, which was what Quinn dreaded the most, aside from the very nature of the day itself. Her friends must have noticed her reluctance, as Santana and Brittany slowly slid from their perches to link their arms in hers.

"Today is going to suck," Brittany sighed, resting her head against her fellow blonde's shoulder.

"I think you're right about that, Britt," Quinn murmured in response, as the three girls left the room and entered the hallway.

It was exactly how Quinn imagined it. Many students had plastered posters on their lockers that featured everything from Bible verses to a simple 'Never Forget.' More still had pictures of those lost that day, with one of the fallen student's lockers being transformed into a makeshift memorial, complete with grieving tearful girls. They were sobbing over a memorial dedicated to Mike, whose picture they each held in their hands as they knelt in front of his locker, sobbing openly as they held each other. They wailed loudly as they fought over who he was 'closer' to. As far as Quinn knew, the girls had never spoken a word to Mike, who was reserved outside of the Glee Club and his football team. Judging by the look of disgust on Santana's face, she didn't recognize them from the funeral either.

"No, Britt. This day is going to be shit," Santana growled, leading them past the increasing howling group.

"On second thought," Quinn murmured, as she passed a girl referring to Finn as 'Finley', "I have to agree with Santana."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

For what was possibly the first time in the school's history, there was complete silence as the students filed into the auditorium. Only the faint chorus of sniffles could be heard as more students than not cried into each others shoulders, everyone doing their best to avoid looking at the blown up, black and white photographs that once again took pride of place on stage. Quinn allowed herself to be guided through the masses, Santana and Brittany placing her between them as they took their seats. The blonde had thought she'd be feeling an onslaught of emotions, but instead she felt numb as she sat there, her mind a mere dull hum. She couldn't feel anything despite being surrounded by such heavy emotion, but at the same time, she couldn't

As her eyes scanned over the weeping crowd, she spotted a familiar small brunette awkwardly sidestepping her way along a row. Rachel looked to be hiding her face behind the veil of her hair, clutching something in her hand and avoiding looking at the stage. As she sat down, Quinn felt a surge of guilt overcome her, a feeling she was starting to get used to. Had she made this time more difficult for Rachel, due to the… recent turn of events? Rachel would have undoubtedly- just as Quinn did- remember that the one-year anniversary of the McKinley High Shooting had not been far away. It was then the thought struck her.

Was the kiss simply a way of Rachel looking for comfort?

Girls did that all the time, right? At least from what Santana had told her in the past, many girls had no qualms with kissing the same sex. After all, it was Rachel who had made the first move, or at least that's how she saw it. Did Rachel think that Quinn made the first move? Maybe she felt pressured to follow through in fear of destroying their already struggling friendship? Rachel was understandably vulnerable due to the near anniversary of her boyfriend's death… had Quinn taken advantage of that?

Before she could fully begin to analyze any of these questions, the microphone clicked on, causing the well-known feedback to screech throughout the room. Principal Figgins readjusted the microphone down to his height, clearing his throat before addressing his students.

"Today, we remember the events that took place within our school walls only one year ago. In our halls, our cafeteria, our classrooms and our choir room."

Quinn hung her head, closing her eyes in an attempt to escape the words.

"It has been a year of trying times, painful memories and growth. We aim to preserve the memory of those you've known in many different ways. With that, I'd like to call Quinn Fabray and Noah Puckerman to the stage."

Her stomach dropped. She should have expected this. Only now did she see the reporters hidden away in the wings of the stage, cameras at the ready. Admittedly there were fewer than before, but the year memorial had still managed to draw some attention. She still couldn't quite understand what had made her the 'face' of the shooting; after all, she was the one that had caused one of the deaths. She wasn't a hero, she was the idiot who thought it was the best cause of action to leave the safety of the choir room and actively enter the openness of the shooter's territory.

Quinn was quickly snapped to her feet from a sharp jab to the ribs courtesy of Santana. She slowly made her way to the stage, silence in her wake. Puck reached the stage first, his expression unreadable but clearly not impressed. The blonde soon joined him, the pair standing close together but far from both Figgins and the reporters. It didn't take long for the assault of camera flashes to partially blind her, but she was silently thankful that this time she wouldn't fall to the floor in panic.

"Quinn and Noah, your actions of bravery on that day are far from forgetful. Those of you who may not have heard, Quinn took charge of the Glee Club in their teachers absence, and lead a small group who looked for an escape route. Noah was the young man who disarmed and… disabled the assailant, which-"

"I didn't disable him, I killed him."

If there was a moment where silence could get any more still, this was it. Puck's words even caused the tirade of flashing to grind to a halt.

"…Well, quite right," Figgins murmured, clearly uncomfortable with the interruption. Instead of finishing, he waved on an assistant from offstage, who carried out a large plaque.

"So to ensure these events are never forgotten, and hopefully never repeated, we've organized a memorial plaque to be laid at the entrance to our school. Miss Fabray, Mister Puckerman, for your actions we feel it is only right to give you the honor of placing this plaque."

Applause broke out amongst the mass of students. The assistant trotted over, placing the large golden plaque into Quinn and Noah's arms, causing the strobes of cameras to ignite once more. The assembly continued, with speeches from a police officer ("So proud to see the community bounce back") and a parent of one of the lost students ("I'm sure she'd be happy to see life going on.") Quinn wasn't listening, however. Her fingers wrapped around the object, fingertips pressed against the raised names of the dead.

Once the assembly came to a close, they were finally allowed to leave the stage. Before Quinn could make her way back to her friends, however, she was ushered alongside Puck to the front of the school. Apparently she had misunderstood; she literally had to place the plaque. Heaven forbid the journalists lose their photo opportunity.

As they laid the object on top of the freshly prepared slab of concrete, Quinn had her first full glance at it. As she expected, there was a general quote about the loss of young life, the date of the event and the names of all the students who had lost their lives that day. Well, at least that was what she thought until she felt Puck tense up alongside her, furiously turning to face the principal who was stoically posing alongside them.

"Adam Clark's not on here."

Figgins shifted uncomfortably, glancing at the reporters. Before he could respond, however, one of the reporters interjected, his recorder extended in front of him.

"Adam Clark is the name of the shooter, Mr. Puckerman. Are you saying you think that monster's name should be on that plaque?"

"Well he died, didn't he?" Puck spat back, and Quinn recognized the spark of anger that lit inside his eyes.

"Yes, well, he also killed many of your classmates."

"He was just a kid, and now he's dead."

"So were they," the reporter countered, causing many of his coworkers to turn their camera's to Noah.

"That's my fucking point," the mohawked boy all but growled.

The reporter stood still for a moment, before shifting back into position. The mob then turned their attention to Figgins, who began mumbling about the 'loss of life' and his concerns about 'memorializing such a student'. The blonde, however, quickly lead her friend away from the group, breathing a sigh of relief once they walked over the school threshold and out onto the street.

For a while, the two of them simply leant against the fence, watching cars drive by. When he spoke, his words were heavy with the guilt he had clearly never been spoken.

"I think about it a lot, you know? My fist pounding into that kids head until it caved in. He was just a kid. What he did was fucked up, but he was still a kid. He still died, his folks still cried, they still wanted a fucking funeral and it got egged. I mean, shit, they would have had to identify his body…. no parent should have seen their kid the way I left him."

Quinn wasn't sure what made her say it. But in that moment, she gave into the fact that despite her initial reluctance, her relationship with Puck was now one of the strongest she had. While there was a strong history between her and Santana and Brittany, it was Puck who best understood this aspect of what happened. So while the wind blew stray leaves into a dance across the street, she accepted that Noah Puckerman was the best friend she had, for better or for worse.

"I kissed Rachel."

They continued to watch the world pass before them for the moment that passed, until, with a sigh, her friend placed his arm around her shoulder.

"It's a strange, strange world, Fabray."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: So, I'm the worst updater in the world. I'm not going to give excuses… but I do have university, animal fostering, part time work, volunteer work, girlfriend…okay, maybe a few excuses. I just wanted to express my absolute and sincere thanks to those who have reviewed recently. I've sat down, and now have a good idea as to where I'd like the story to go so that I can give you guys the ending you deserve. A huge thanks to all of you. Every word is for you. **

Quinn was surprised that Puck hadn't pushed for more details on the kiss. Had she known she would be sharing such news with him a year ago, there would be no doubt that the response would be a smirk followed by some kind of invasive question or sexist remark. This new Noah simply took her under his arm, shielding her from the inevitable self-criticism she was going to put herself through. He hadn't said anything else, really. They just watched the world pass, existing without them for that one moment. Standing there, in that exact spot, they could live without swimming against the tide. They could breathe without their lungs filing heavy with water.

That moment, however fleeting, provided the respite that she needed to go on with this horrid day. The remainder of the school day had been tough, surrounded by framed pictures with tacky, meaningless words strewn across them. Yet she'd gotten through it, as she always had. The world kept turning, as her mother always liked to say.

The blonde looked at herself in the mirror as she fixed her hair for tonight's festivities. Noah was determined to have a gathering tonight, with the aim being to 'remember Finn and Mike, and get shit face drunk until we can't.' It wasn't a party, not really. It was a way to express grief, and for people like Puck and Santana, it was the best chance at release they had. Things did need to return to normal, she knew that. The Glee club had to allow themselves to embrace some resemblance of happiness again. They deserved as much. Still, Quinn was initially reluctant to attend, even for Noah's sake. Then she heard Rachel was going.

How can she say no to that?

With her hair now attended to, make up perfected and legs smooth as silk, Quinn was forced to decide on her choice of clothing. Normally, things like this wouldn't bother her. When she was interested in boys, it seemed pointless to worry about clothing, her chest was all they saw anyway. But now, a very buried part of her wanted to look as good as possible for Rachel. Not just good...sexy even. She wanted Rachel to want her that way. The very thought made her swallow hard, but this new part of her was stronger than her reluctance. Giving in, she threw on the outfit, stashed her bottles of Smirnoff Ice into her bag, and headed out.

As she made the short drive over, the butterflies in her stomach took flight. This would be the first chance she'd have to talk to Rachel since the kiss. She'd hardly been able to look at the brunette as they passed in the hallway, instantly ducking and slinking away like a dog. She had no idea, honestly, how Rachel felt. Not about the kiss, their relationship, or even Quinn herself. Tonight, she was determined to find out, because as bad as the shame that itched at her skin at the thought of being gay, the stabbing sensation that shot through her whenever she thought of Rachel's face as she fled the room that night was much, much worse.

So despite that the sun still lingered along the horizon, she knew it was going to be a long night.

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By the time she arrived, she'd managed to steel her nerve, reassuring herself on the drive over that the warming affects of alcohol would be her safety net. It was time for her to find out what this all meant to Rachel, and the way that made her stomach an acrobat meant that she needed the protection of something to dull her.

So with this new resolve, she entered the Puckerman household. Having arrived late, everyone else was already out on the back patio, chairs strewn around a center table. Judging by the empty bottles, they'd already started drinking, which was perfectly fine with her. She already knew how the night would progress: Drinks out on the patio, dance session in the living room, followed by everyone collapsing into the couches, lazily chatting before passing out for the night. The perfect Puck Party Recipe.

"Hey guys," Quinn greeted, doing her best to prevent herself from searching the sea of faces for Rachel, instead focusing on smiling to Santana.

"Damn, Q! Way to turn it up!" Santana laughed with the grin, followed my multiple fast nods from the boys.

But it was Rachel she was looking at. Quinn had been careful not to overdo it. Simple makeup, her hair out so that it could rest on her bare shoulders, covered only by the straps of her yellow sundress. Okay, so maybe the dress was a little short, and maybe it accentuated her chest, and maybe the small heels she was wearing made her legs look amazing.

So what, it's 'all fair' now. Game on.

And by the looks of things, Rachel had turned up ready to play as well. Wearing a red dress shorter than any plaid skirt she owned, the brunette smiled as she looked up to Quinn under darkened lashes, and quickly folded one of her foal legs over the other.

"Nice to see you Quinn. Please, take a seat," Rachel said, patting the chair beside her.

Maybe Quinn was imagining it, but she could have sworn Rachel rasped the words in the most irresistible voice. The way she said her name shot a shiver down her spine. But maybe she was imagining things, because she was already in a state of shock from the sight of the angel before her. What she wasn't imagining, and what she didn't even notice, was the unabashed grinning of Noah and Santana. Everyone else didn't seem to notice the blonde look as if a truck had just hit her, and once Quinn was seated, conversation easily surrounded her.

Memoirs of Finn and Mike came easily. Tina told the previously unknown tale of how Mike had asked him out. Artie laughed as he recounted the time Finn told him to try to at least 'move his legs a little' during a dance practice. And for the duration, there was no sadness. There was laughter, smiling, as stories good and bad were shared amongst those who understood. They understood each other, the understood those boys. And as Sam raised his red solo cup, he led everyone into singing 'Don't Stop Believing' at the top of their lungs. Quinn sung along (or, more accurately, shouted), and as the starry night settled down around them, she allowed herself to feel at home in the company of her friends again.

And she drank.

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Just as Quinn had predicted, once everyone had drank their share, Puck announced the migration to the dance floor. Tipsy at this stage, everyone eagerly nodded along as they stumbled their way back inside.

What the blonde hadn't accounted for, however, was Noah's new additions to his prized party place. From the moment he walked in and flicked a few switches, music blasted as the strobe lights came to life. A small smoke machine caused smoke to snake around their ankles, like they were standing on a cloud. Normally, this would have made Quinn wonder where on earth her friend had gotten the funds for such equipment. And tonight she would have, if it wasn't for the fact that she made the awful, game-changing mistake of looking at Rachel. If she'd looked like an angel before, then standing in the soft clouds of smoke as the lights danced off her face, surely she was a goddess.

As the music pulsed through them, it was as if they were young again, in heart at least. Age may not have wearied them, but the events of late had forced them to grow more than their mere teenage years reflected. The uniting feeling coursed through the room, mixing with the smoke as they breathed it in. This is what they were; a bunch of kids who wanted to belong. And they'd found that once. For as brief as Finn and Mike's lives were, they'd found it too.

Once everyone was suitably broken up into their respective pairs, dancing and laughing between each other, Quinn finally delved into the confidence at the bottom of her bottle, placed it haphazardly in the growing pile, and searched for Rachel. It wasn't a hard task- it never was- her eyes seemed to have developed a sort of radar for the girl.

"Hey," she said with a lop-sided smile, and even in her altered state, she noticed the slight slur to her words.

"Hey," Rachel replied, returning the smile in earnest. She seemed genuinely happy to be talking to her blonde friend.

Point, Fabray.

Extending a hand, Quinn's small smile didn't falter as she looked into those warm depths that had given her more security than she'd ever experienced.

"Dance with me."

She could have sworn Rachel blushed before she ducked her head, neatly tucking her hair behind her ears. When she looked back up, an even bigger smile tugged at her lips. The brunette nodded her reply before taking Quinn's hand in her own.

At first they just swayed, interlacing their fingers as they stared into each other. There was so much beauty to Rachel's face, Quinn noticed. The porcelain features of her cheekbones, the slope of her nose, the small wrinkle between her eyebrows from scowling. There was so much to the small little thing that played such a big role in her life, and who she knew for certain would play an even larger role to the world. Despite the blonde's vision blurring in and out, there wasn't any missing the way Rachel smiled.

So Quinn pulled her closer. Rachel stiffened a bit, but Quinn was determined to make this work. This was something she would never have the courage to do unless she did it now, behind the dizzying mask of alcohol and darkness. So she leaned in even closer, pulling Rachel towards her in the process, and placed her hands on the smaller girls hips. The brunette was moving to the music slower now, looking differently at the girl before her as if she was a riddle that needed solving. But Quinn didn't want to be a riddle; she wanted to be capital letters. She wanted to be a giant banner, a message in the sky. She waned to be clear to Rachel that this was what she wanted.

So while the music drowned out everyone else, while the lights broke through the darkness to dance across their faces, Quinn leant in quickly to close the small but agonizing gap between them. Her lips crashed into Rachel's with a force and sloppiness that only comes with the assistance of alcohol. The blonde's mind was fuzzy. She couldn't understand why her heart wasn't aching like last time, why the butterflies in her stomach hadn't spun into a cyclone that made her feel like she could fly.

The only thing she felt was Rachel's hands against her chest.

Pushing her away.

When Quinn opened her eyes, the lights struck the smaller girl's face with precision timing, illuminating the hurt that was strewn across it. It took her brain a while to process what exactly was happening, because it seemed like the most bizarre thing in the world to her right now. One second she was kissing Rachel, the next second she was not. The kiss was what she had been trying to bring herself to do all night. Yet judging by the look on Rachel's face, it had been anything but what she'd wanted.

"Rach…" Quinn began, stepping forward.

"No," Rachel replied sharply, the shock and pain already replaced by an indignant anger that sparked in her eyes.

Quinn's body was warm and numb at this stage, and she staggered a little on her feet as she stepped forward again.

"Y-you don't want me to kiss you?"

"No, I don't-" came the reply, before she stopped herself short as Brittany accidently knocked the drink she was carrying against Quinn, causing the pink liquid to spill all over her friend.

"Brittany, what the fuck?!"

"I'm sorry, Q, it was an accident!" Brittany exclaimed, a pout already creeping across her lower lip.

"Well watch where you're going!" Quinn shot back, in what was basically a growl.

Rachel had seen her friend like this enough times to know what was about to happen, and she certainly wasn't going to allow sweet Brittany to take the brunt of such an attack over what was clearly an accident. Besides, Rachel was who Quinn was really mad at.

At this point, Noah had turned the music off, and everyone was looking towards the confrontation. Everyone except Santana, naturally, who was storming up behind her girlfriend and giving Quinn a look so heated it could burn right through her. However, before the confrontation could occur, Rachel had inserted herself in between them, calling over Santana's shoulder to Noah.

"Is it alright if Quinn and I sleep in the spare bedroom tonight?"

There was something that sped across his face. It was only there for a second, but the brunette saw it.

"Yeah, sure, we're all crashing out here though. Join later if you want."

With that, Rachel took Quinn's hand and led her into the spare room. The blonde wasn't really sure what was going on, but her brain felt dizzy and just… not happy. But wherever she was with Rachel was happy, so she allowed herself to be dragged along. The smaller girl set her down on the bed, before digging around in the overnight bag she'd bought with her.

"Did you bring a change of clothes?" Rachel asked while she continued to search.

"No."

"Well then it's a good thing I did. Now strip," Rachel smiled as she turned around, producing pajama pants and a loose fitting shirt.

Quinn felt heat rush to her cheeks, which was quickly addressed by Rachel's smile.

"Don't worry, silly. I'll go out of the room while you get changed, okay? Just get out of that dress, it's soaked."

So while Rachel waited outside and inevitably fielded questions from their friends, Quinn staggered around the room trying to fit herself into the clothes. Was getting dressed always this hard? Eventually she managed, and after lying down on the bed while her head continued to spin around the room, she called Rachel back in.

What followed was the small sound of the door closing gently, and the dip of the mattress as Rachel slid into position beside her. The brunette seemed to be doing all she could to avoid touching Quinn on the single bed, and together they lay in silence, both aware the other's eyes were staring at the same ceiling.

"You did a stupid thing tonight, Quinn."

The blonde knew she had. At least her heart knew- if the way the sharp pang of pain shot through it was anything to go by. Her brain, however, wasn't quite up to speed. So for once, Quinn was left to listen to what her body wanted, what her soul needed, rather than the constant roar of self-doubt that plagued her mind; And with those words lingering in the night air, she fell asleep.

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It seemed hardly a few hours had passed before the glare of the morning sun shone through the window, causing patterns to form on Quinn's newly opened eyes. Instantly, pain flashed across her head, throbbing along to the nausea that rocked her stomach. Yet neither of these ailments hurt her as much as the realization that Rachel was no longer beside her.

And that's how Quinn Fabray learned what it felt like to be walked out on.


End file.
